Indie, I love you

Boyfriend’s been giving me a hard time about throwing out some food that’s been in the fridge waaaaaaay too long.  He’s totally right, of course, that handsome bastard.

However.  My response was:

Hahaha, omg I am the best.


Too much good, not enough sleep

I’ve been kinda desperately looking for a job, ideally an ESL teaching job, but those are pretty few and far between, and the market is flooded with teachers with more experience (read: any).  So imagine my surprise when I was offered a teaching position at a school here in LA, not far from where I grew up on the Miracle Mile.  Unfortunately, the teacher I’m replacing dropped out in the middle of the term, so the time frame is pretty tight: interview Thursday, job offer Friday, orientation Monday, start teaching Tuesday (tomorrow).  I should be excited, terrified, anything.  But all I can think of is how busy I’ll be, and how much sleep I’ll lose writing lesson plans and correcting papers.  I’m insecure about my teaching abilities (which makes sense, since I’ve never had my own class), but I’m sure I’ll be fine.  I’ll figure it out like I do everything else new and intimidating.  But god.  I’m so tired.  I just want it all to stop.  And now I won’t be able to take any of the vacation time I have saved up at Office Job, and I might not be able to go to that academic conference I’ve already registered for (SO EXPENSIVE).  I need a break.  I’m not getting one anytime soon.

hey look, it’s me at work today

I’ve been working the Renaissance Faire every weekend for the past three weeks, and its starting to wear me down.  My feet are sore and my voice is hoarse from standing and hawking food all weekend.  If I don’t quit that job, I’ll be working seven days a week for the next month.  I gave up on my standing desk at Office Job this morning; sitting feels like a luxury.  I woke up this morning with a stomach ache, and it hasn’t gone away.  I look in the mirror every morning wondering when the bags under my eyes will go away (hint: never, apparently).  I’m always tired.  Always.  Plus, if I get any of the substitute teaching classes at the ESL school where I’ve been volunteering, that’ll be four jobs.  Plus Shinkendo.  Plus the Japanese class on Thursday evenings (which I’ve already paid for).

Something’s gotta give, and I’m sad to say it might be the Ren Faire gig.  I just can’t do it all.  I need my weekends back if I’m working all day, every day during the week.  They’re already short staffed, and they really like me and my smartass mouth, so I’ll feel bad leaving, but I might have to be selfish and just drop it.  It’s $8/hr plus tips.  All my coworkers are high school or early college students.  It’s fun, but exhausting, and I just don’t have the time.

Even as I type this, I’m not sure I’ll quit that job.  Let’s analyze why that is for a minute, because it’s insane:
-I don’t want to let these people down (but I don’t know them well, they’re average bosses).
-I don’t want to give up my access to the Faire (which I’m not enjoying as a spectator because I spend all my time there working).
-They’re already short-staffed (not my fault).
-I don’t want to add extra work to my coworkers (who I don’t know that well, and they’ll likely take the extra hours without complaint).
-I don’t want to burn bridges (this is the one that’s getting me, but are these bridges that I’ll want to cross again in the future?  Will I want to work for these people again?  Even if I wanted to work the Faire again, I have a friend who works beverage there, too, who would love for me to work with her, so I’ll still have access to a Faire job that way).

So.  What’s holding me back?  I’ve always wanted to work the Faire, so it’s the romantic quality I’ve attributed to being an insider at the Faire.  I like the insider status, and I don’t like ditching people when they need me.  But things are lining up to make it impossible to hang on to this thing I’ve wanted for years that has turned out to be as much fun as I expected, minus the feeling of camaraderie I expected the Faire folk to share.  A lot of the people there are just working a job, and not having much fun.  So maybe it’s time I take the good times and bug the fuck out before I grind myself into a fine powder in an attempt to live the dream/not let people down.  At the end of the day there’s just too much good, not enough sleep.  I have to let go of some of the good.

I had similar times in grad school, and Shinkendo fell by the wayside then.  That was hard, because I knew my skills would suffer.  Here, though, what am I missing?  Lousy pay, sore feet, and no weekends?  Maybe it’s time to call it quits, kid.

I had a good conversation with Hollywood Coworker, who is now officially my supervisor, about my schedule.  If I’m teaching in the morning, and working Office Job in the afternoons, I won’t be able to attend several events where I’m needed.  “You’ll have to make a choice, and it’s up to you,” she said.  Meaning: Attendance at these events is mandatory, and if I can’t make it, I can’t stay.  Time to quit the job that pays well and doesn’t work me hard to pursue a career that will do the opposite.

Shit.

But she’s right, I suppose.  Today is orientation, so I’ll know more about my schedule then.  Terms go for a month each, and I would imagine I’ll be expected to teach them all.  I wonder if I’d have to take a full term off to get long vacation?  I’m not excited about the prospect of losing all the vacation days I’ve earned at Office Job.  Time to start cashing those in, lol.

And then, when I’d inevitably be forced to quit Office Job, I’d start hunting for another part-time position I could work in the afternoons.

*sigh*

I could use a break.

 


Jobs, jobs, and oh yeah, I’m bi

I’ve been avoiding writing a new post about what life has been like lately because there’s so much to report, and it’s not all good, and why would I intentionally, slowly, and in excruciating detail relive that?  Because that’s what this blog is for: my life.  All of it.

I need a full-time job.  So applied to the JET Program and got rejected.  I applied to AEON and got rejected.  I’d like to teach here in Los Angeles, and I’d like to travel, but really, I need a full-time job.  I heard from the host teacher at the ESL school where I volunteer that I might be offered evening classes as a substitute teacher, which would be a fantastic way to get my foot in the door, and get some real teaching experience.  Meanwhile, I had an interview at the journalism school at my university which sounds fun.  The woman I interviewed with was great, and we got along really well.  She mentioned that she might hire for the position I was interviewing for internally, but that that would mean another opening in her office.  I told her, “I’m not married to this title.  If I can work full-time in this office with people like you, that sounds fantastic.  I would love to work here.”  We chatted very briefly about anime, manga, cosplay, and martial arts (her best friend does Hap Ki Do, wtf).  She really seemed to like that I had gotten my master’s in teaching English as a foreign language.  Overall it went really well, and it would still allow me to be available in the evenings to potentially teach.  All good.

I got hired to work the Renaissance Faire this year!  All my weekends will be booked for the next six weeks or so (brutal).  I’ll be selling steak on a stake and sausage, which I’m going to be hawking in my best improvised, filthy Elizabethan (when we practiced during orientation, I shouted “Good day, m’Lord!  You’d like a hot sausage in your mouth, wouldn’t you?”  Once my mostly-teenage coworkers stopped laughing, our boss said, “But… make sure there aren’t any kids around if you’re going to say that stuff.”).  I ran into a friend from Office Job there, who invited me to work beverages instead, which I would love to do, so maybe that’ll happen!  I went to her place that evening to socialize with the beverage people, all of whom are older than me, and a total fucking hoot.  Working with them would be a blast.  I hope it works out.

I got drinks with a new friend from Office Job who used to work at an LGBT center at a conservative Christian university.  We chatted about gender and sexuality, and decided we should hang out, which we did last week at El Carmen.  When I went to the bathroom for the second time, there was a pretty girl sitting on the bench opposite the bathroom door, waiting her turn, whose face lit up when she saw me, and greeted me with a warm, “Hi.”  We flirted for a while, she took her turn in the bathroom, and when she came out we flirted some more, during which she called me gorgeous twice, we hugged, and before she left I said, “Wait, so, can I get your number?”  “Yeah!  Yeah…”  So.  I totally got some girl’s number for the first time ever.  I texted her a couple days later to see if she’d gotten home alright from the bar and don’t expect to hear back.  It doesn’t really matter.  I got a girl’s number!  Woot!

But what made me do that?  Hanging out with my new friend that night, we had been chatting a lot about sexuality, so it was at the forefront of my mind (plus I had a pretty solid buzz going after 2.5 happy hour margaritas).  I told her a I was bi, and we talked about that for a while, and she said, “Have you told your family?”

Cue record scratch.

My face dropped.  “Oh.”  It never occurred to me that I might have to do that at some point, unless I brought a girl home.  I don’t feel closeted, so I never felt the need to come out.  But she asked, and it got me thinking, and now I can’t stop thinking about it.  So when I hung out with Sister a few days later, I told her about this girl I had hit on.  “She was just so cute, so I asked for her number, and she fucking gave it to me.  Ugh.  So weird.”  Sister squinted a little during the whole story, but listened patiently with a hesitant “Ok…” here and there.  Afterward she said, “Wow.  So.  [my full name].”  We both laughed.  Then her boyfriend came in and the topic shifted to my graduate school graduation party.  However.  A couple days later she IM’d me over Gchat:

hey [tigerlilytoph]!
good seeing you last night and jumping on the invitation business
i want to talk to you about a conversation we stated earlier in the evening maybe next week

ok
I’m free most evenings I think
busy tuesday
and friday

ok cool :)
i have [friend]‘s bday dinner wednesday

Monday?
or Thursday?

how about monday

okies
ugh now I’m kinda nervous
GROSS

about what?
me wanting to talk to you?

yeaaaaaah

llol
don’t be you goose
i’m just concerned your not happy that’s all

oh?

yeah so i just wanted to share with you my thoughts and be a good big sister

thanks :)

nothing to feel gross about silly [tigerlily]

well ok
i’ll stop throwing up now

llol
ew

right?

you going to hear [cousin] play tonight?

I am not going to [cousin]‘s show tonight, but I definitely want to go to another one of his shows
His group has a good sound, and he seems really happy with them

So that conversation wasn’t a total disaster, and I think it’s going to be ok (of course it would be better if she hadn’t canceled to spend time with her friend who just broke up with her significant other, because now I’m all nervous all over again).  Now I’m mostly worried that she saw my hitting on that girl as evidence that I’m not happy with Boyfriend.  Blerg.  I can’t handle her judgement.  I want to hear her opinion, but if she could give it without all the fucking judgement, that would be just super.


The post-grad school work update

I applied to a company called AEON to teach English in Japan for a year, and was asked to come in for a group info session/interview.  There were three of us there for the interview, plus two recruiters, and the whole thing went for about five hours (1130am-430pm).  Yikes.  I was shocked when they didn’t provide a snack, or time to go find one.  It consisted of hearing a shitload about the company: sounds like the teachers are worked to the bone, but are given all the tools they need to do so, and are provided a pretty normal salary for their trouble, plus what is essentially a stipend for rent, and the benefit of living and working in Japan.  Then we had the chance to teach about five minutes worth of a lesson plan each of us had brought (which I rocked), then we took a short quiz on our language skills, and were handed letters on our way out to determine whether we would be asked back.  I was, woot!

The followup interview was the very next day, and I feel like I pretty much nailed that, too.  Having a motormouth, plus the ability to structure my thoughts well ahead of voicing them is SO FUCKING USEFUL, omg thank you Mother for my quick mouth and Father for my debating skills (and both of them for my Philosophy degree).  Now I wait while they get back to me sometime within the next three weeks.

Meanwhile, at office job, I got an email from the new boss asking Hollywood Coworker and me if we could meet “so we can discuss the structure” of our office, which appears to be on the out (we don’t have a budget for next year, nothing from the main university website links to our office’s website anymore, we are being ignored on a pretty epic scale, etc.).  So we’re anticipating hearing that basically there will be no Office (and therefore potentially no Office Job) within the coming year.  UPDATE: I’m not fired, and he gave no indication that the office would be dissolved within a year.  Restructured, yes.  Disappeared, no.  So.  We shall see.

UPDATE: March 25, 2014
Didn’t get the AEON job.  Ugh.  Laaaaaaaaaaaaame.


That’s a proud mommy

My folks are having trouble hiding their pride that I’ve finished my Master’s degree.  Mom sent out an email to some family friends that read thusly:

As Friends who have encouraged and watched this one grow, thank you for all of your encouragement and love.  Many of us have chatted about [tigerlilytoph] recently, and she just aced her thesis and had a paper accepted by the International Social Sciences Conference.  Very proud of this woman, and please enjoy her glory. What a Woman!

So sweet.  And of course all the people on the thread wrote back words of love and encouragement.  I was so touched.  Of course I had to write back:

Thank you, family of my heart.

I turned 30 in February, and I can’t tell you how excited I am to see what the next decade brings. You’ve all played pivotal roles in my development into who I am today; so much encouragement, such excellent humor and love for so many years. Luke, my gentle giant, teddy bear and jungle gym. Anthony, always a welcome companion with a ready laugh and sharp mind. Mary Kay, my literary mentor, without whom my love for writing might never have awoken. Marge and Peggie, the matriarchs of our tribe from whom I continue to draw strength. Chris, Cheryl and mom, the women who danced with me and served as the clever, hard-working, paycheck-earning, loving role models I needed. Each of you, lighting a different candle within me, even now.

I would be diminished without you. Thank you.

So much love,

[tigerlilytoph]

I’m so lucky to have had these people in my life from such a young age.  It really goes to show how important your parents decisions are, and what a huge impact (good or bad) something as seemingly personal as the kind of friends they choose have on a child.


All pau with school

Tonight I turned in my final paper for my Master’s degree.  I am finished with grad school.

Now I have time to look for a job and read that excellent book my parents got me for my birthday, The Modern Maya.

Actually, this is the list I have going for shit to do now that I have time:

clean room (omg it is a shit show)
learn french ratatouille song (I have to learn a French song)
memorize shinkendo language (becoming a dojo bum starts tomorrow)
buy tabi (for dojo bum status, and late bday present to myself)
buy ramen from mitsuwa (been missing that tonkotsu magic)
organize Into the West viewing (movie watching with dojo people)
ask Hiroko-sensei if she teaches private lessons (for a friend)
play ukulele (YES)
buy stationery for poem and future nonsense (so much future nonsense)
reply to Japan job (GOTTA LAND THIS ONE)
Japanese homework (get ready to get fucking rocked, Hiragana)


Protected: Parting

This content is password protected. To view it please enter your password below:


Follow

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

Join 121 other followers

%d bloggers like this: