I’ve been avoiding writing a new post about what life has been like lately because there’s so much to report, and it’s not all good, and why would I intentionally, slowly, and in excruciating detail relive that? Because that’s what this blog is for: my life. All of it.
I need a full-time job. So applied to the JET Program and got rejected. I applied to AEON and got rejected. I’d like to teach here in Los Angeles, and I’d like to travel, but really, I need a full-time job. I heard from the host teacher at the ESL school where I volunteer that I might be offered evening classes as a substitute teacher, which would be a fantastic way to get my foot in the door, and get some real teaching experience. Meanwhile, I had an interview at the journalism school at my university which sounds fun. The woman I interviewed with was great, and we got along really well. She mentioned that she might hire for the position I was interviewing for internally, but that that would mean another opening in her office. I told her, “I’m not married to this title. If I can work full-time in this office with people like you, that sounds fantastic. I would love to work here.” We chatted very briefly about anime, manga, cosplay, and martial arts (her best friend does Hap Ki Do, wtf). She really seemed to like that I had gotten my master’s in teaching English as a foreign language. Overall it went really well, and it would still allow me to be available in the evenings to potentially teach. All good.
I got hired to work the Renaissance Faire this year! All my weekends will be booked for the next six weeks or so (brutal). I’ll be selling steak on a stake and sausage, which I’m going to be hawking in my best improvised, filthy Elizabethan (when we practiced during orientation, I shouted “Good day, m’Lord! You’d like a hot sausage in your mouth, wouldn’t you?” Once my mostly-teenage coworkers stopped laughing, our boss said, “But… make sure there aren’t any kids around if you’re going to say that stuff.”). I ran into a friend from Office Job there, who invited me to work beverages instead, which I would love to do, so maybe that’ll happen! I went to her place that evening to socialize with the beverage people, all of whom are older than me, and a total fucking hoot. Working with them would be a blast. I hope it works out.
I got drinks with a new friend from Office Job who used to work at an LGBT center at a conservative Christian university. We chatted about gender and sexuality, and decided we should hang out, which we did last week at El Carmen. When I went to the bathroom for the second time, there was a pretty girl sitting on the bench opposite the bathroom door, waiting her turn, whose face lit up when she saw me, and greeted me with a warm, “Hi.” We flirted for a while, she took her turn in the bathroom, and when she came out we flirted some more, during which she called me gorgeous twice, we hugged, and before she left I said, “Wait, so, can I get your number?” “Yeah! Yeah…” So. I totally got some girl’s number for the first time ever. I texted her a couple days later to see if she’d gotten home alright from the bar and don’t expect to hear back. It doesn’t really matter. I got a girl’s number! Woot!
But what made me do that? Hanging out with my new friend that night, we had been chatting a lot about sexuality, so it was at the forefront of my mind (plus I had a pretty solid buzz going after 2.5 happy hour margaritas). I told her a I was bi, and we talked about that for a while, and she said, “Have you told your family?”
Cue record scratch.
My face dropped. “Oh.” It never occurred to me that I might have to do that at some point, unless I brought a girl home. I don’t feel closeted, so I never felt the need to come out. But she asked, and it got me thinking, and now I can’t stop thinking about it. So when I hung out with Sister a few days later, I told her about this girl I had hit on. “She was just so cute, so I asked for her number, and she fucking gave it to me. Ugh. So weird.” Sister squinted a little during the whole story, but listened patiently with a hesitant “Ok…” here and there. Afterward she said, “Wow. So. [my full name].” We both laughed. Then her boyfriend came in and the topic shifted to my graduate school graduation party. However. A couple days later she IM’d me over Gchat:
good seeing you last night and jumping on the invitation business
i want to talk to you about a conversation we stated earlier in the evening maybe next week
I’m free most evenings I think
ok cool :)
i have [friend]‘s bday dinner wednesday
how about monday
ugh now I’m kinda nervous
me wanting to talk to you?
don’t be you goose
i’m just concerned your not happy that’s all
yeah so i just wanted to share with you my thoughts and be a good big sister
nothing to feel gross about silly [tigerlily]
i’ll stop throwing up now
you going to hear [cousin] play tonight?
I am not going to [cousin]‘s show tonight, but I definitely want to go to another one of his shows
His group has a good sound, and he seems really happy with them
So that conversation wasn’t a total disaster, and I think it’s going to be ok (of course it would be better if she hadn’t canceled to spend time with her friend who just broke up with her significant other, because now I’m all nervous all over again). Now I’m mostly worried that she saw my hitting on that girl as evidence that I’m not happy with Boyfriend. Blerg. I can’t handle her judgement. I want to hear her opinion, but if she could give it without all the fucking judgement, that would be just super.