I am a cylon

I crack about 50% of my knuckles on a daily basis, thumb knuckles included, so when my left thumb felt a little sore last night, I thought cracking it would help, as it has in the past.  Not so.  It got worse.

This morning it was even more tender, so I left it alone, assuming that my body can figure itself out.  I drove to work, put away my keys and as I fastened my purse closed, pain shot through my thumb.  I looked down in shock to find two tiny shards of metal embedded in my nail.  The magnet on my purse’s snap had attempted to pull them out of me.

fuck you, universe

So, first of all, WTF?!  Why is there metal in my thumb nail?  How did it get there, and how do I get it out (safely)?  I posted the following on facebook, hoping for some wisdom:

So let’s say (hypothetically) that I discovered two tiny shards of metal under my left thumb nail this morning. Let’s say (hypothetically) that applying a magnet to said nail resulted in pretty shocking pain due to said metal shards. HYPOTHETICALLY… what would I do about that?

Here’s what I got back:

-Um, go to a hypothetical hospital?
-Find a stronger magnet
-COWBOYS VS. ALIENS
-I’m pretty sure that’s how the borg started. You may need to sacrifice your thumb for the good of humanity.

A couple of people sounded honestly concerned.  The rest represented the internet accurately.

UPDATE: 10:03pm, July 18th
I’ve been giving it some thought, and it seems more likely that the magnet on my purse picked up some metal shards somehow, and that when I reached quickly toward my purse to close it, the sharp pain I experienced was me impaling myself with said shards.  I’m gonna head in to the doctor tomorrow (not today because fuck you, insurance, you’re going to be why I died of tetanus), at which point I might have to get these buggers carved out!  Yipe!  Kinda exciting though.  But not really.  I’m not looking forward to it.  What if they just point me toward the MRI, strap my hand down, and throw that sucker on?

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About Toph Beifong

www.tigerlilytoph.com View all posts by Toph Beifong

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