I’m not gonna lie. I’ve been checking the beastlies website almost every day to see what pops up. Lo and behold, I found Gildon. What a cutie. He’s gonna make a fine addition to the small, growing collection of small monsters currently making house on my monitor stand.
I’m pretty psyched about it. Can’t wait to get more. Are they a sound investment? No. These little guys are totally pointless, and that’s why I love them. They exist simply to be little beasts. So yeah, I’m a little jealous 🙂
Monthly Archives: August 2010
Wolverine in Japan
Marvel is going anime again. I don’t want to get caught up in a typical fanboy comparison of all past iterations of this effort. Let’s discuss the teaser for the Japanization of Wolverine, which you can watch here. (Notice in the screenshot that his claws aren’t even coming out of the right spot on his hands. It’s like he’s holding a bunch of kitchen knives and posing for a myspace photo. Ugh.)
When I read that article about how Wolverine would be one of the first to be converted into an anime-style cartoon, I knew straight off the bat that there would be one big problem which should be obvious to anyone who watches anime, and one big upside, a bright spot in what seems like a really bad idea.
The Problem
If I had to name the manliest character in all the American comics I’ve read, I’d say hands down that Wolverine is it. He’s a remorseless, self-centered, devil-may-care, indestructible killing machine. He can be riddled with holes and survive to kill the guy who did it. He’s loved and lost; now he’s a jaded, motorcycle-riding, cigar-smoking womanizer. He’s what every man has at some point wanted to be.
Now let’s have a look at your typical anime manly-man:
–Naraku (Inuyasha)- Falls in love with a totally hot priestess, and gives his body to demons if they will give him the power to claim this woman. It doesn’t work, but throughout the series, he ends up killing tens of thousands of people (at least).
–Orochimaru (Naruto)- Betrays his entire village, slaughters countless people, all in a quest to achieve his own immortality. Overall a real asshole.
–Abel Nightroad (Trinity Blood)- A Methusela (vampire who feeds on other vampires) who is torn between his hunger for human blood, and the soft spot in his heart for one annoying girl (a NUN, no less).
Notice a pattern emerging here? Abel is possibly the most masculine-looking dude to make the list, and still, I could probably bench press this guy. All of these male characters could be mistaken for females on a good day. Anime men typically have effeminate faces, flowing hair, slender builds, and soft voices. [For some reason this is considered sexy in Japan. I don’t get it.] Now picture Wolverine with those traits. Yikes.
The Bright Spot
American cartoons are notoriously hammy. The creators refuse to kill off main characters, show blood, or frighten their viewers with suggestions of mutilation, violence, etc. I’m not saying I’m looking forward to watching Wolverine cut on a corpse for an entire episode (frankly, I think the Japanese could give the topic of rape a rest), but current American cartoons that feature Wolverine are… adorable. Which is very, very bad. The gore that’s allowed in anime is a perfect fit for Wolverine’s character, assuming he’s still allowed to be a crazed slicing, dicing madman on occasion. Personally, I can’t wait to watch him fuck some shit up anime style as long as there isn’t too much hair tossing.
Oh, the Japanese
one seriously pansy-ass mascot
I discovered recently that the Japanese police force has a mascot. I imagine the conversation between some Ladypants reporter and some Suit in charge of Public Relations would go something like this:
.
Ladypants: Every major corporation needs some good PR now and again. How should one go about attaining said PR?
Suit: Well, one way of doing that is to assume an adorable mascot to prance around and misrepresent our vicious company as a sweet, friendly animal.
L: But what if you’re the police?
S: …I don’t understand the question.
L: I’m just saying, it’s fine for a business to use some cute little animal to trick kids into thinking they’re harmless, but the police don’t want to achieve the same goal, so…
S: Wait, which police are we talking about here?
L: Uh… what?
S: Have you ever been to Japan?
L: No.
S: Oh. Well their law enforcement mascot is just PRECIOUS.
L: …Excuse me?
S: Seriously, they’ve done such a great job at emasculating themselves over there. It’s like they’re not even police officers any more. They’re like children dressing up for Halloween. People keep candy in their purses to throw into the windows of passing cop cars.
L: …You’re kidding.
S: Kinda. But their mascot is pretty cute, though.
L: Why would the police need a mascot?
S: …I don’t understand the question.
L: OK, WE’RE DONE HERE.
Black Holes, Anime, and Fuckin’ StarCraft II
StarCraft II
My boyfriend was nice enough to pick me up a copy of StarCraft II the night it came out. He’s been pretty excited to play it, and I can clunk through an RTS when I need to, so I wanted to experience it with him. But for the past two weeks I haven’t played SCII for more than ten minutes without buggy black screens, etc. fucking up my game play and making the simplest game aginst the AI impossible. I’m just trying to impress my boyfriend here, dammit. I am so full of hate for this game.
Anime
If it wasn’t apparent, I’m an anime fan. I’ve been following Naruto for… shit, for a few years now I guess. It’s a fun show with annoying patches of filler episodes (typical anime). It was really getting good for while there, too. The most recent episodes featured an entire city getting wiped off the map, main characters dying off left, right and center, huge fights, revelations, you name it. And just when we’re about to get into the final confrontation between the protagonist and antagonist… we jump back in time to watch Naruto and his friends do some ridiculous quest. Little kid Naruto is adorable, but WTF?! I just want to know what happens to the Hidden Leaf! What happens to Hinata? What do Naruto and the bad guy talk about? Do they reach a resolution? Do they fight? Does Naruto finally become Hokage? Double-U Teeeee Effffff
Black Holes
I work with kids part-time, which is really fun sometimes. You just never know what they’re going to say. Yesterday we were talking about outer space, and I mentioned black holes. None of the kids knew what a black hole was. I described it as “something that’s super tiny that can eat anything and everything up.” Then I told them that after something is eaten up, we lose track of it. No one on Earth has any idea where it goes. The kids could not believe what I had just said. A couple of them literally thought I was lying. I said, “Really! It’s a huge mystery. Even the smartest people in the world don’t know where it goes after it gets eaten up by a black hole.” Then I did what my dad used to do: I made them try to think up an answer all by themselves. I asked, “Where do you guys think it goes?” They were all quiet for a few seconds, until one boy said, “Maybe it goes into the future.”
Wow. Just… wow. I couldn’t believe he said that. How awesome is that kid’s brain that the future is the first thing he thinks of. Not a place, a TIME. HAHAHAHA!! Amazing!
Beastlie Incoming!
While I was at ComiCon, I happened upon a booth selling Beastlies, adorable little clay creatures, all hand-made, all one-of-a-kind. I took some photos, and made a mental note to go back the next day, assuming they would still be there. Of course I got there, and there were all of three left, so I decided to grab a card, and buy one online once more were made.
May I introduce Lani, the newest memeber of the tiny three- (now four)-animal menagerie that makes its home on my monitor stand. I get the feeling he and Big Toe are going to get along swimmingly.
Inception
I saw Inception, and loved it. Then I thought about it and found all kinds of holes and unexplained weirdness. It’s about dreams, so where’s the sex? Where’s the creativity? Where are the people speaking in tongues, turning into jelly, and eating themselves? Still, it’s the most fun I’ve had at a theater since How to Train Your Dragon (which was ADORABLE, btw). They’re both making it to my DVD shelf.
And then there’s this website that allows you to push a button, and play just one horn blast from the EPIC Inception soundtrack that kept me on the edge of my seat for a good 70 minutes, which hasn’t happened since Jurassic Park. Thank you, interwebz.
And when the fuck did Joseph Gordon-Levitt grow up into such a fine lookin’ gentleman? I mean, I’ve had a mild schoolgirl crush on him since Brick, but a three-piece suit? I think my eyes got paper cuts watching his scenes in Inception. Get it? Cuz he’s so SHARP.
Azula knows what I’m talkin’ ’bout.
Ninja Bear
I honestly can’t tell how much of this is real, and how much (if any) is fake…
This bear does stuff I can’t do with that little staff. So cute, so deadly.
Watch the Ninja Bear practice his skills before he shows up at your house and beats the shit out of you with his stick.
Be Random, Be Clear 
