Monthly Archives: June 2011

anime, goodness, humor

Anime Mascot #1: Giant sword dude

Apparently people are finding my blog by searching for stuff like “giant sword” and “tentacle hentai.”  While there will be no phallic tentacles on this site, I like to give the people what they want, and parodying anime is just too easy.

May I introduce Anime Mascot #1: Giant Sword Dude
His bad attitude and drive to complete his unexplained quest is dwarfed only by his ridiculously huge sword.  It’s just way too big.  Naturally, he’s standing in a pool of blood, and scowling with his weird-colored eyes at the shiny energy/fire he can create when he gets super pissed during drawn-out fights with his arch enemy.  His hair is blue so you can tell him apart from his twin brother who we meet in season three.  His loincloth is always perfectly placed (no up-the-skirt shots for men), and the giant scar across his chest just shouts, “Don’t you dare fuck with me.  My hair is blue, and my hands shit fire.”

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goodness, life, martial arts

Memory serves

This afternoon, on the 40th of my 108 days of meditation, I had an epiphany; I remembered a lesson I had forgotten years ago, and what a shame I lost track of it.

When I first started training, I was so proud to be a martial artist.  Two or three years in, I still bragged about training for my black belts.  I worked hard at the dojang, and thought that just by practicing what I was taught, I was, in a small way, better than other people.

It took me a long while to figure out that I wanted to be really good at what I was doing, and that participation alone wouldn’t ensure that I would master the styles I studied.  There’s a distinct difference between a practitioner of a martial art, and a someone who is dedicated to the martial art.  All my fellow students were practitioners.  It was only because I joined the school earlier than the others that I out-ranked them.  I decided that time alone should not determine my skill level.  I had to have a hand in it.  My rank would speak less about the number of classes I had taken, and more about myself as a martial artist.  I started really paying attention, and realized my place in the world was very small.  Being a martial artist meant nothing except what I made of it.  The best I could do was to hone my own skills and become the best tool for the style that I could.

It was a difficult transition for me.  My pride, which I had cultivated and nourished for years, suddenly had no place to call home.  I silenced my heart.  My rank became meaningless; no matter what color I wore, I never felt worthy of it.  I suddenly felt no competition with my similarly ranked classmates.  I practiced silence, occasionally speaking just a handful of words in a day.  It paid off, and my form became close to perfect.  As Naruto would say, I had found “my way of the ninja.”

I’ve been meditating for ten minutes a day for 40 days, and because of that I thought I was special.  I had forgotten that my objective is mastery, not participation.  Kung Fu loosely translates to “skill” and “effort,” but even that is not enough to become a master.  Even now there is a disquieting feeling in my chest; I can feel my pride rebelling against its second  eviction in a decade.  It claims that it is no sin to be proud of my accomplishments, and yes, this is true.  But the distraction is an unnecessary obstacle.  The sense that I have achieved my goal just as I begin to learn a new style is unforgivable.  The brown sash I’ve been given will blind me if I let it.  For a second time, I must quiet my heart, and retreat to a quiet, humble place.

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life

Where are you, car? *sniffle*

so close!

T-minus 21 days and counting to Fiat

I was given an ETA of 45 business days from when I placed my order for a brand new Fiat 500.  The only option I added to the basic model was the car alarm (which only came in a package with a better sound system and satellite radio, so I win!) and an automatic transmission.  No silly decals, no engine block heater, no “smoker’s option” (whatever that is).  Just 45 days to get an automatic with one add-on.  I’ve heard from the guy at the bank who’s helping with the whole thing that it should arrive “soon.”  The guy at the dealership said a couple weeks ago that “it should be here by the end of the month.”  I called him yesterday and he said there was “a delay.”

Two months is a long time to wait for something you’re really, really looking forward to.  It’s been 30 business days, and I’m chomping at the bit.  It’s so close I can almost feel the stitching on the steering wheel under my fingers.  No one in my family has ever owned a brand new car.  We’ve always bought used, and that makes sense financially.  I’ve had two bad experiences with cars (both American), and I’m tired of inheriting other people’s problems.  I can’t wait!  Raaaaaaagh!

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goodness, humor

Willing suspension of disbelie-OMG SO CUTE

How is anyone without my fucking powerhouse of an imagination supposed to picture this cat playing a harp without a prop?  It just goes to show that when the world gives you a kitten playing an invisible harp, you draw one in Paint.

musical genius

*click the photo to watch the hideously adorable video*

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goodness, nerd

Baby X-Men

Everyone loves a good reinterpretation of their favorite characters.  Doing the X-Men as babies was just… I want to say cheating, because babies are so easy to garner positive attention for, but lil’ Magneto is just too adorably dark for words.  But why is Deadpool in there?  Whatever, he breaks the fourth wall, he’s hilarious.

it's the booties

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family, goodness, humor

Pigs are more equal

When I was a kid, my folks went to a white elephant party where everyone brought a horrible gift as a joke.  I went to one of these for xmas a few years back, and it has my full approval.  So silly.

I don’t know what my folks took to the party, but when they came back they had something that resembled this pig chef (but ours held something like a business card holder).  This thing sat on a bookshelf in the “computer room” just outside my parents’ bathroom for… I’m gonna say at least a decade.  They never figured out a way to get rid of it, and apparently couldn’t bear to throw it out.  It just looked so pleased with itself.  And hey look!  Now you can have your very own!

bizarre

ridiculous

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anime, goodness, nerd

Bossy Bear

so bossy

like a boss

Every Asian guy I’ve dated (Chinese, Korean, and now half Chinese) has said that I’m more Asian than him.  I watch anime and read manga.  I’ve done martial arts on and off for half my life.  I’ve even read my fair share of anime fan fiction (>.<).  Boyfriend makes fun of me for using chopsticks to eat everything (eg. scrambled eggs and tater tots), etc.  It pleases me.

Giant Robot is a great source of entertainment for eggs like me (white on the outside, yellow on the inside).  I’ve bought a few art posters from them (I’ll have to put them up later).  Meanwhile, their online shop is littered with stuff like Bossy Bear, which just might become my new favorite thing.  Also, I want one.  The description reads:

“Bossy Bear is very bossy. And he’s also had just about enough. Bossy has reached his limit.  Just like you, Bossy has a strong side. Well Bossy’s strong side has come out, and he wants things his way NOW!!! Let Bossy help you find your strong side.”

Just PRECIOUS.

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goodness, martial arts

Delicious friendship

yum

soy sauce ramen, fresh watermelon, hot lo han

I had dinner with Little Iron Friend about a month ago, and really enjoyed it.  I made the ramen, and we chatted about how I got my ass kicked at that one sparring class at the kung fu studio.  She’s a solid person.  Plus, we drank Lo Han Guo, which I love and haven’t had since the old days of tae kwon do training!  Hooray, so good!

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badness, humor, life

Incoming: STREET JUSTICE

One of the great things about living with Diminutive Roommate is that when I need to exact some kind of revenge on someone, she can think of half a dozen ways to do so within the law.  She and I are just great ranting buddies.  We love and encourage each other this way instead of hugging and sharing meaningful experiences.  If one of us is annoyed about something, the other is immediately pissed.  If one of us is sad about something, the other is inconsolable.  If one of us has a problem, a solution must and will be reached now, and we will reach it together.  And when one of us is wronged, we become one unit moving toward justice.

Today marks the third time I’ve had a package stolen off my doorstep.  It’s infuriating, not because I just spent $30 on something I may never be refunded for, but because of what having something that’s obviously mine stolen from inside my building implies: I’m living among thieves.  Filthy fucking thieves.  I don’t feel safe with my neighbors (which, given what I’ve written about them before, actually makes perfect sense).  Maybe I should know better by now.  I guess I just keep expecting the people I live next to to STOP STEALING MY SHIT.

maybe if i told them i was a ninja, they'd leave my amazon.com packages alone

I told Diminutive Roommate about this, and she immediately got all fired up.  And thank god.  My first reaction is to be angry, then hurt that anyone (let alone my own [albeit horrible] neighbors) would do this to me.  Action was needed, and while I was wallowing in self-pity, Diminutive Roommate was already working on a plan.  Together we came up with a cheap, doable sting operation.

We’ll put a package on the doorstep/mailbox clearly addressed to me.  Inside, we’ll put a really loud remote-controlled alarm.  When the package gets nabbed, we’ll go outside and set off the alarm, following the hideously loud ruckus to the guilty party, camera rolling, and demand our horribly ear-piercing property back.  The trick will be knowing when the package gets grabbed.  Maybe we can put a pressure sensor under the package that goes off when it gets picked up…  Either way, I’ll be delighted just knowing that we startled the culprit into peeing himself a little (if there is a god).

Batman Begins was on tonight, and I caught the first third or so where Bruce fails to kill his parents’ murderer, then gets all embroiled in the underbelly of the criminal world abroad, then trains with the Shadow Society, then returns to Gotham to become the embodiment of fear that allows him to control his own.  My situation is exactly like that; I’m taking a situation that pisses me the fuck off and makes me feel like a victim, and using it to strike fear into the heart of whatever fucktard has been stupid enough to steal my hard-earned crap.  I am so full of vengeance.  It’s on.

SIDE NOTE:
I’m feeling really, really good about other stuff.  Yeah, I’ve lost some hours at the dojo.  Yeah, my crap keeps getting lifted from my “secure building.”  But I have a new car on the way that I’m starting to get really fucking excited about.  I’m totally batshit crazy about Boyfriend and he seems to feel the same way.  I’m probably not going to have to move to another apartment, which will save me the hassle of… moving, which is a pain in the ass.  So things are looking up overall.

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