Monthly Archives: May 2011

humor

Functional, hideous

Yes, it’s time to revisit my zobo apocalypse preparedness kit.  I carry a flashlight around in my purse at all times (used it in Big Bear over the weekend!), my pantry is full of Bush’s baked beans (friggin’ delicious), and now I’ve finally found a sleeping bag that will allow me to run for my fucking life at the drop of a hat.

pictured: a daffodil fires his agent

…not to mention make me look like a radioactive tampon.  The LeppiSelk Bag has finally found a cure for all those sexy camping trips: make a sleeping bag that can literally only fit one person.  And the yellow one is the only way to go.  How else with the rescue choppers find me (if they come at all)?  They even have little booties!  Adorable!

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martial arts

Meditation consternation

I started my Kung Fu training about six months ago, and received a brown sash this month.  It’s a big deal.  I’m one of maybe five brown sashes in the entire school.  I’m trying not to stress too much about it, the burden of being a leading female in a hard core martial arts school (again), and so far, so good.  It’s a title I’m used to holding, just not in a group of almost strangers.  I’m doing well so far, making friends, keeping my mouth shut when I should–mostly (still perfecting that one)–and taking constructive criticism with open ears and a grin.

plus, if I try meditating when I wake up, I pass out

One aspect of the training I’m still getting used to is the constant meditation; 10 minutes per day, sitting in a specific posture, utilizing specific breathing exercises, etc.  It’s not difficult but it takes some planning, and life tends to try to get in the way.  So far the biggest obstacle isn’t finding the time, it’s forcing myself not to eat/drink before and after.  You’d think I could just overeat beforehand to take care of the allotted no-eating/drinking-time that precedes and follows meditation, but you’d be wrong.  When you have a metabolism like a hummingbird, eating every couple hours becomes essential, lest that wold-class tantrum that’s been building up behind these gentle hazel eyes finally gets unleashed.  In which case, good luck, unbroken bones of the people around me, it’s been nice knowin’ ya.

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goodness, humor, life

It’s code for rom-com

Boyfriend and I have been dating for just over three years now, and we’re still very much in love.  This is new for me.  Usually I leave after about two years.  I guess when people say, “The magic was gone,” maybe that’s what happened in my past relationships.  I just wasn’t in love anymore.  I wasn’t as happy as I knew I could be.  So I left.  Imagine my surprise when anniversary number two came and went without any change between Boyfriend and me.  Our love stayed strong, and I’m happy.

One night when Boyfriend came home late from work, he tip-toed over to where I was fast asleep to say hi before getting ready for bed.  This is common for us; to prioritize a loving greeting before all else.  Of course, I was notorious for talking my sleep at the time, and was completely passed out.  Boyfriend’s hands are usually cold, and I’ve always been known to generate heat at an alarming rate.  So when he touched my face and hand that night, I apparently reacted in typical sleep-talking girlfriend fashion: I said, “No no, frozen pizza, no.”  Then I insisted that “Pizza goes in the oven,” and put his ice-cold hand against my white-hot stomach, and pulled my shirt down over it, encasing his hand in my own personal furnace-tummy.

Thus were our pet names born: He is Pizza, I am Oven.

with anchovies and green olives

He left town today for a great job, and he’ll be gone for two weeks.  I’m really proud of him.  He’s going to make it, and he deserves to.  Meanwhile, though, I miss him pretty bad.  I always cry when he leaves for a job, even if it’s only for a few days.  The act of separating is what’s so hard for me.  Being apart is pretty lame too, but I’ve always been good at entertaining myself.  He says he loves me because I’m strong.  I cried when we said goodbye this morning.  I can’t help it.  I love my Pizza.

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life

Now with the begging

It occurred to me recently that I have to start living like a student soon because I’ll be completing my application to graduate school.  I need to start being super frugal like I used to be, but I also must have a bitchin’ Renaissance Faire costume for next year.  I have one year to find $1,000.

If you enjoy my blog, give like five bucks and I’ll shut up.  Click the button.

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goodness, nerd

Ren Faire costume!

optional hood? YOU BET

I went to the Renaissance Faire with friends last weekend.  So much fun.  Now I need to get a real costume instead of just pairing that bodice I have with a tank top and long skirt.

Which means I’d have to start working nights as a security guard, because those costumes are really, really expensive.  I’ve been eying this little number (pictured) from Ravenswood Leather for a ranger-type costume, something tough but feminine, because that whole damsel look is pretty but just not me at all.

I’d have this stuff forever, too.  Every Halloween I don’t want to wear the full dog-suit costume, BAM! I whip out the Ren Faire getup instead.  It’s a totally foolproof plan.

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life, martial arts

Stuart Smalley is now a state senator; time to get off my ass and think positive

I had an interesting conversation with Diminutive Roommate the other night.  She mentioned that I always seemed confident in myself.  I corrected her immediately.  I don’t always speak up when I should, which bothers me a lot.  I have to correct myself often when I have thoughts like, “I’ll never be as good at this as her,” which happened most commonly at my old real estate job (and it was true).  I had that thought tonight at Kung Fu.  Watching the way the instructor moves when he’s instructing, doing the techniques at 10% speed is so educational.  The essence of the technique comes out, and I think, I’ll never be as good as him at this.  Ever.  Oh well.

a machine that thinks. also known as "Skynet."

I really, really need to stop thinking like that.  Who the fuck am I helping?  I get these thoughts during the cardio workout class there, too.  But it occurred to me tonight that I jumped into that cardio class after years of doing zero training or working out of any kind.  And I’m doing an awesome job keeping up.  A small group of students have become kinda friends, and they really appreciate the extra experience I bring to the studio.  So SUCK IT, LIFE.  I will stop silently putting myself down all the time.

I told the instructor that I think I’ll have all the material for white, yellow and orange sashes mastered in a week, which is true, I think.  I’ll just have to practice every day, especially at the dojo.  I can do this.  One piece at a time, I will master kung fu like I mastered tae kwon do and hap ki do.  I’m good at this.  I can do it.

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goodness, life

My old friend, science fiction

I love Science Fiction as a genre for the same reason I love anime: There are no limits.  Anything is possible.  Who wouldn’t love that?  It’s not just for science/computer/gamer geeks and nerds.  Science tears down the walls within our minds and builds roads to the horizon.

I love you, too, Isaac Asimov

A few of my favorites:

Ender’s Game by Orson Scott Card- Kids!  It’s about kids!  Show it to your kid!  It’s an amazing book for adults, but it’s about kids, so kids eat it up.  Synopsis: In a world where the Earth is at war with an alien race of “buggers,” our last hope is the children bred to have the qualities of great military leaders.  One boy, Ender, is clever and reluctant to fight, but shows promise…

The Red Planet by Robert A. Heinlein- My first trip to Mars, courtesy of one of the pioneers of novel-length science fiction.

Dune by Frank Herbert- Such a fantastic book.  I re-read it a few years ago, and I’ll read it again soon.  A strange new world where water is scarce means constant skirmishes with the natives who turn out to have more secrets and power than anyone dared imagine.  It falls to a young prince to follow his father’s example of generosity and strength to lead the people, prevent war, and rule an entire planet, or perish. (also, this)

A Wrinkle in Time by Madeleine L’Engle- This book was a must-read by kids in my elementary school, and it messed with our brains.  For example, it featured fantastic creatures who gave visions of twelve-dimensional shapes to children, then explained how time travel was achieved by “wrinkling” the fabric of space/time, stepping across the wrinkle, then smoothing out the fabric.  At age ten, I was thoroughly impressed.  I need to re-read this; it’s been too long.

Stranger in a Strange Land by Heinlein- I like the ideas in this (a human raised on Mars as a Martian, brought back to Earth with fantastic abilities), but can’t get over the lack of strong female characters, and the way the women are treated, as caretakers and comforters.  Women aren’t made of moms and blankets, we’re people.  It’s the era in which it was written… very hippy-driven, free love, which means the men get laid all the time, and the women too, but the women tend not to have any power.  But he was strongly against racism, and wrote minority characters often, which is awesome.

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life, martial arts, work

Pity party

nectar of the gods

It occurred to me recently that I’ve become a very busy person.  I don’t particularly like being super busy; I’m not one of those people who has to be doing something all the time to feel useful.  I’d like to sleep in at Boyfriend’s house, read, have some eggs and tater tots with Cholula and ketchup, take a walk, lay out in the sun (finally finish that last LOTR book), maybe have some sex, take a nap, watch a few episodes of Buffy or The Office, try to cook a delicious meal from that recipe app I just got (go get phở after probable, massive failure) or go have dinner with friends, followed by 5-hour table-top gaming session.

THAT is a perfect day.  Here’s what I do instead:

Monday, Wednesday, Friday
Office Job: Alarm goes off at 7:21am, snooze until 7:45, get dressed, make PBJ sammiches, leave by 8:15, chastise self for being late so often.  Park car in giant parking structure, take tram to campus, walk to building, attempt to work until 1:30pm.  Drive to Redondo Beach to teach a few karate classes to kids who either:
a) Love it, and love me
b) Have a great attitude, even when I tell them to do something hard
c) Love having fun, but therefore must be entertained, lest the unhappy face make an appearance (I call it “The Crank”)
d) Didn’t get their nap, and are close to flopping on the floor and giving up every second of the class
e) Don’t want to be there at all.  Want to go home.  Now.  Home.  Home!  NOW!

pictured: option D

Fridays I go to Santa Monica to teach karate, where the kids tend to have nannies, a stronger sense of entitlement, and parent who tend not to want to hear anything that might resemble criticism.

Tuesday
Repeat above Office Job portion.  Go home to the Westside, eat ramen (or broccoli omfg I love it so much), relax for a few hours, change into Kung Fu clothes, leave by 5:15 to help with beginner’s class, take cardio class, take intermediate class.  Five hours after I left for the studio, I arrive home to eat something easy, shower, and go to bed by 11:30.

Thursday
SLEEP IN!  Repeat above Kung Fu portion.

Saturday
SLEEP IN!  This is the only day I truly have completely off.  I spend most of it sleeping, eating, gaming with friends (poker!), and generally not standing up.

Sunday
Alarm goes off at 9:21am.  Must leave by 9:45, but snooze until 9:39 most of the time.  Drive to Redondo Beach dojo, stop by McDonalds for two egg mcmuffins (eat both in car), park car at dojo, walk across PCH (scary!) to Starbucks (grande iced mocha with whip cream).  Teach four classes, and maybe a weapons workshop.  Done by 3 or 6.  Go home, repeat Saturday plan.

Most of my fellow Sensei’s are actors, so they all need time off at the drop of a hat, and refuse to cover for anyone else too far into the future for fear of double-booking on the day of their yet-unbooked big break.  I’ve been covering a bunch recently because of the incoming car purchase, meaning I haven’t had a full day off in almost three weeks.  I drive almost 200 miles per week just to get to my jobs on my own shifts (not counting Kung Fu which adds 20mi).  Monday comes zooming up on me since Sunday is a work day, then I’m sleep-deprived until three days later when I get to sleep in on Thursday.  I look forward to sleep more than I look forward to food at this point.  Which is sad.  Maybe that’ll change if I make one of those amazing pumpkin dishes!  🙂

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goodness, nerd

Talk nerdy to me

I hear there are people in the world who:

a) Have never played any game resembling Dungeons & Dragons.
b) Have not seen this video.

And that’s just a shame.  Both are fun and awesome and thoroughly entertaining.  Enjoy 🙂

While we’re at it, The Guild is worth checking out.  Short, hilarious episodes tell the story of a diverse group of PC gamers (namely World of Warcraft-ers).

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goodness, humor

New goodness!

Goats on Stuff is exactly what it sounds like: It’s a website dedicated to posting photos of goats standing on stuff.  Given that goats are natural climbers and sure-footed on just about any surface, and that humans love interacting with other species in odd, often inappropriate ways, this website was a mathematical inevitability.  It’s on my Goodness page (look up) in the miscellaneous section.

not pictured: drugs

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