I had an interesting conversation with Diminutive Roommate the other night. She mentioned that I always seemed confident in myself. I corrected her immediately. I don’t always speak up when I should, which bothers me a lot. I have to correct myself often when I have thoughts like, “I’ll never be as good at this as her,” which happened most commonly at my old real estate job (and it was true). I had that thought tonight at Kung Fu. Watching the way the instructor moves when he’s instructing, doing the techniques at 10% speed is so educational. The essence of the technique comes out, and I think, I’ll never be as good as him at this. Ever. Oh well.
I really, really need to stop thinking like that. Who the fuck am I helping? I get these thoughts during the cardio workout class there, too. But it occurred to me tonight that I jumped into that cardio class after years of doing zero training or working out of any kind. And I’m doing an awesome job keeping up. A small group of students have become kinda friends, and they really appreciate the extra experience I bring to the studio. So SUCK IT, LIFE. I will stop silently putting myself down all the time.
I told the instructor that I think I’ll have all the material for white, yellow and orange sashes mastered in a week, which is true, I think. I’ll just have to practice every day, especially at the dojo. I can do this. One piece at a time, I will master kung fu like I mastered tae kwon do and hap ki do. I’m good at this. I can do it.