Monthly Archives: March 2011

Bitches be crazy

Maybe college students aren’t the brightest age group, but there’s a shit-ton of evidence proving that a good number of them are just idiots right now.  I don’t usually post on topical crap like this, but it’s just… too weird.

Some blonde white girl at UCLA put up this video mocking “these hordes of Asian people that UCLA accepts into our school every single year…  which is fine!”  Yeah, you seem super stoked about it.

why yes, my boobs ARE always this distracting!

Anyway, she goes off (awkwardly) about how these Asian students’ families flock to campus, care for their kids, and speak not-English to each other.  How dare they!  Mostly she’s pissed that as she’s studying in the library, “about to, like, reach an epiphany…” someone starts talking on their phone in what can only be described as some kind of clanging-pots language: “ching chong ling long ting tong!”  No wait, she’s being racist.  What a bitch!

My favorite outcome of this (aside from this chick becoming a complete pariah) is the first comment on this article about a 17-year-old Ivy League addmittant who pistol whipped her mom for not co-signing on a black Nissan 350Z (seriously though, I love that car.  So maybe mom deserved a stern talking-to, but not a knock in the head with a gun).  The comment reads: “So if she wants to talk on her cell phone in the library, let her.”  HAHAHA!  Oh man, so good.  Thank you, internet.

worth the jail time?


Anime night!

I invited a bunch of work folks over to watch some anime.  I sent out a mass email invitation complete with offers of deluxe home-made ramen, their choice of mochi ice cream flavor, and about a dozen synopses of some movies and TV series the anime first-timers might enjoy.

I got one response.  Thank god it was yes.  I’m a little sad.

why is it wrapped up? wtf?!

I understand why people are hesitant to watch anime.  I get it.  Really.  They picture the giant eyes, and the impossible hair, the enormous swords, the subtitles (how dare they make us read for entertainment!).  As an avid anime fan, I’ll be the first to say it: anime can be weird and off-putting, just like any other genre.

But it also allows us to think outside the box like no other medium.  It’s a cartoon!  Anything can happen!  Who wouldn’t love that?  The cost of an anime movie is a lot cheaper than a live-action movie, so technically we’re getting more fantastic stories that look amazing from anime per dollar.  That’s five amazing animes for the price of one live-action film!  I’m totally making these number up, btw.  I’ll have to do some research.

totally, completely accurate

RESEARCH COMPLETE

Ok, so it looks like the budget for Spirited Away was ¥1.9 billion, which converts to roughly $23 million.  Scratch together two times that amount, and you could almost afford to hire Eddie Murphy to ruin your film (and that doesn’t even cover the cost of a fat suit).  Inception had a budget of $200 million.  Paprika, an anime movie on the same topic (dream-based science fiction-action-thriller-mystery!) was supposedly made for around $3 million.  And Paprika was part of the inspiration behind Inception!

In case you’re still not convinced that anime is worth your while, AMERICA, here’s a screenshot I took of how Naruto hoped he would look once he was transformed into a cat:

initiate heart melting

P.S. Like how I blamed my coworkers’ lack of interest in anime night at my place entirely on anime?  I’m sorry, my friend, but it’s you or me!  lol


Go Jews!

I’ll never be one to encourage religious belief, but learning about the afikoman hunt certainly softens my stance a little.  It’s kind of cute.

Being raised with just a few Jewish friends, I never heard of the afikoman.  It’s a the dessert at the end of the Seder.  Commonly, it’s either hidden for children to find (afterwards they’re rewarded with sweets or money), or the children “steal” it, and demand a reward for its safe return.  This tradition is apparently for “keeping children awake and alert during the Seder proceedings,” lol!  So cute!

On a more serious note, I occasionally question Wikipedia’s choice of photographical representation.  Why put a burnt, sad looking piece of matzo:

yuckie

when you could put a happy, appetizing piece of matzo:

delectable

Right?  Get your shit right, Wikipedia.  The world is watching.


Scary Vice President

I was poking around http://www.totallylookslike.com when I stumbled upon a comparison of John C. Calhoun and Sam the Eagle (spot-on).  I remember being a little bit afraid of Sam the Eagle.  If I had had as much exposure to the visage of John C. Calhoun, Sam would have been a welcome fright.

"You're shitting me, right?"

Yikes, right?!  Look at that mug!  And the neckbeard, lol!

The 7th Vice President of the United States, this guy didn’t stop at horrifying people with is face.  He supported slavery, famously calling it a “positive good.”  He was known by supporters as the “cast-iron man” because of his staunch defense of his political stances.  Like how slavery was natural because every society has a ruling elite which reaps the benefits of said elitism due to the back-breaking labor of the lower castes.  It’s natural.

"WTF is that?!"

Apparently he died ten years before the start of the Civil War, so he didn’t get to see all those slaves freed.  Can you imagine if he did?  How could he possibly look any more displeased?

In my first art history class back in high school, my teacher (Mrs. Hill, so awesome!) told us about the advent of the camera, and how it essentially put portrait painters out of work.  Our teacher told us a story about how, around this time, some snooty queen asked her court portrait painter why she shouldn’t fire him and hire a photographer instead.  The painter apparently responded, “Your Highness, the camera cannot lie.”  Awesome answer.

Bearing this truth in mind, why the fuck didn’t the artist of this portrait do a little more to make VP Calhoun look like an intelligent, respectable government official instead of a wild-man who was dressed up like a gentleman for a day as a joke?  Answer: John C. Calhoun was so out of his mind enthused about slavery, even a formal portrait artist couldn’t gloss over all the crazy in those eyes.  There must have been some surprising shit off camera to entice VP Calhoun to make a face like that.


Face rub

Everyone loves it when animals do this.  Cats do it, mice do it, chipmunks do it.

super cute

But why?  They’re cleaning their faces, right?  I’ve seen cats lick each other’s faces and heads to stay clean.  That’s pretty fuckin’ cute, too.

My roommate’s cat loves to get her face destroyed by petting.  DESTROYED.  Then she does this slow blink like ‘Wait… what?’  So awesome.

I guess my point is that when animals use their paws in a way that even remotely resembles the way humans use their hands, it’s automatically adorable.


The Ring

I used to love horror movies.  They made me laugh.  Watching a scary movie was like riding a roller coaster; thrilling and pointless with no side effects.

But things have changed.  I have changed.  Horror movies scare the shit out of me now.  I don’t mind a good mystery, some tension, etc., but people getting sliced into pieces?  Saw I-VI and in 3D?  Yikes, wtf, who pays $15 to watch innocent people kill each other or get tortured to death one by one?  But I guess that falls under the category of slasher flick.  I digress.

omfg so scary

The first DVD I ever bought was The Ring, which is generally accepted as one of the scariest movies of all time.  It’s based on a Japanese horror film of the same name (this was the movie that really showed America that the Japanese knew how to scare the shit out of people).  I just looked at the poster and got chills (“before you die, you see THE RING”  eek!).  It was the reinvention of the “scary kid” aspect of horror films.

I had just started my freshman year at college.  I don’t know who I saw this movie with, it couldn’t have been my roommates, they were jerks.  But whoever I did see it with were jerks too because after the movie, they left me alone in the middle of the night, in my dorm to sit alone on the couch, stare at our tiny tv, and wait for something horrible to happen to me.  I tried to go to bed, but in a time of CRT monitors, the glare of the city lights bounced off my selfish, Single Child Roommate’s screen, taunting me.  It sat there, patiently watching me for over an hour before said roommate came home.  I bounded out of bed and sprinted outside to join her in the living room while she watched tv at 2am.  I had early class in the morning.  I was exhausted.  But I was also honestly afraid for my life.  I asked her if she was going to bed soon (I couldn’t go back in there alone).  She shot me a look, and kept watching Sex and the City (or whatever bullshit she was into that semester).  I sat at the end of the couch nodding off while my tiny, judgmental roommate did her best to simultaneously ignore me and act annoyed.

one way in, one way out

I should probably mention that in the weeks before the movie came out, some genius (and I mean that) at Dreamworks came up with the idea of making copies of the tape that kills people in the movie, and leaving them on campus.  Just around.  I found one in the hall of my dorm, just sitting on the floor.  I walked by it twice before I picked it up.  There were no markings or writing on it.  I noted how little film there was, and thought, “there’s no fucking way this is the Ring tape.”  Naturally, I brought it into my apartment and announced to whomever was around, “Hey guys, I found this on the floor outside… I think it’s the Ring tape.”  The room was silent, until someone said, “Wait, what?  That really scary movie thing that kills you in seven days?”  More silence.

Naturally we watched it, and collectively lost our shit before, during, and especially after.  We all waited with bated breath for a phone to ring.  Nothing happened.  We panicked anyway.  What should we do?  The only way to figure out how not to die was to watch the movie, but it didn’t come out for another two weeks, and by then we would all be dead!

We took the tape and put it back in the hallway.  It was gone within a day.  I’ve never seen it again.

SPOILER:

In the Japanese version of the film, the solution the mother comes up with for keeping her son from dying, is showing the film to someone else.  Right, good, of course, same as the American version.  But unlike in the American version, in which it’s left to the audience to guess who she shows it to (I think it’s the audience itself!), it’s revealed that the Japanese mother chooses to show the movie to her own father.  Her own father.  Harsh, right?


House cleaning win

Yesterday was the most productive day off I’ve had in a while.  In addition to going to the Japan benefit at Meltdown, I cleared out my closet (that thing is fucking cavernous!), and poked through some drawers to look for Sister’s old car keys, among other things (which, I just discovered, after stressing about losing them and other keys for the past month, have been in my purse the whole time).

i wonder if they've been washed away...

During my search, I found a bunch of Borders gift cards.  Borders has declared bankruptcy or some such, and they’re going down.  I went online to see what the cards were worth: $135!  Whaaaaaat?!  Time to wipe out  half of my amazon.com wish list:

FLCL (fooly cooly)- I know nothing about this anime, only that the animation looks super cool.

Drainspotting– Book on Japanese manhole covers.  Intriguing, and with the recent tsunami, topical.

Summer Wars– I saw a trailer for this and was totally hooked.  Can’t wait to see it.

 

la la la la la

Daria (complete series)- I cannot believe I’m finally going to own this.  I was in 7th grade when this show started, and graduated from high school the year it ended.  It has its hooks in me.  Watching this show made me feel cool.  Like a cool, cool teenager.  The kind that leaned against walls and grinned at passing, scowling mothers dragging their gawking, awestruck offspring after them.

SUPER cool.

All that cost me about $12.  I’m pretty excited to get this stuff.  Plus I have to watch through the anime I won at Meltdown!  So much awesome, so little time!


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