I had an interesting conversation with Diminutive Roommate the other night.  She mentioned that I always seemed confident in myself.  I corrected her immediately.  I don’t always speak up when I should, which bothers me a lot.  I have to correct myself often when I have thoughts like, “I’ll never be as good at this as her,” which happened most commonly at my old real estate job (and it was true).  I had that thought tonight at Kung Fu.  Watching the way the instructor moves when he’s instructing, doing the techniques at 10% speed is so educational.  The essence of the technique comes out, and I think, I’ll never be as good as him at this.  Ever.  Oh well.

a machine that thinks. also known as "Skynet."

I really, really need to stop thinking like that.  Who the fuck am I helping?  I get these thoughts during the cardio workout class there, too.  But it occurred to me tonight that I jumped into that cardio class after years of doing zero training or working out of any kind.  And I’m doing an awesome job keeping up.  A small group of students have become kinda friends, and they really appreciate the extra experience I bring to the studio.  So SUCK IT, LIFE.  I will stop silently putting myself down all the time.

I told the instructor that I think I’ll have all the material for white, yellow and orange sashes mastered in a week, which is true, I think.  I’ll just have to practice every day, especially at the dojo.  I can do this.  One piece at a time, I will master kung fu like I mastered tae kwon do and hap ki do.  I’m good at this.  I can do it.