Bitter Haiku: Conflict edition

the elusive mole boss surface to ask for TPS reports

I was stuck in a dinner meeting in March of 2011, and just found the poems I wrote about it.  They’re not all haikus, but they’re all hilarious.  Classic.
[I changed some names to maintain some semblance of anonymity]

The dining hall is nothing but class,
intimidating chandeliers above.
George and Laura prep themselves for sass
from parents who have stopped feeling the love.

There were some very unhappy parents in the crowd due to some changes in the by-laws.  These meetings are typically long and dull, so this one turned out to be my favorite of all time.  Everyone made good arguments, and it was awesome to see a governing body functioning like a governing body instead of the fat, self-important, self-serving, unproductive lump it seems like most of the year.

Now dinner’s out; it’s chicken with a glaze,
and something that resembles broccoli.
New parents find and fix me with their gaze,
but I stare at my plate innocently.

Dinner was delicious, and the parents at my table seemed hell-bent on asking me questions I didn’t know the answers to.  “Does my student need a waiver to sign up for the insurance if they’re a minor?”  “Can I send care packages to my student via UPS instead of FedEx?”  “Can I park on campus without a pass on weekends?”  It’s all stuff I know now (no, yes, and no respectively), but I had just started about six months prior, and after two years, I still get stumped occasionally.

Ruth is in charge of damage control!
Unhappy parents’ words pound like a drum.
She closes her eyes and becomes a mole
at the presidential podium.

My boss (who we’ll call Ruth) has this hilarious habit of closing her eyes for a socially inappropriate amount of time when answering questions, or discussing an uncomfortable topic, during which my coworkers usually shoot each other bemused glances.  The first time I saw it happen, Ruth (aka Little Mole Boss) put her head down on the table where we had our meeting, and left it there for a solid… I’m gonna say 30-45 seconds.  I looked to my coworkers for a sign that she was still conscious while they giggled silently at my obvious confusion and disbelief.  She is a good boss, but everyone has strange tendencies that entertain others.  That is Little Mole Boss’ strange tendency, and namesake.

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About Toph Beifong

www.tigerlilytoph.com View all posts by Toph Beifong

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