Seriously. Waste your time with all the stand-up training you want. The fight’s going to the ground anyway. Every MMA fight degenerates into a boring hugging contest. You know it, the ref knows it, the fans know it.
Category Archives: humor
Archaic meme
How could I forget about shoes? This was a long-lasting source of totally harmless amusement during college. No one could mention anything foot-wear related in a crowded classroom without someone muttering, “omg shoes,” or “let’s party.” To this day, even my dad quotes this video.
Watching it now, I’m pretty horrified at how shitty this video is. It’s like that guy I had a crush on in elementary school. He was totally perfect at the time, but I see photos now, and he looks like everyone else in the class: a dorky kid with crooked teeth trying to fit in. I’m talking about you, Richard M.
I love you, walking carpet
If you don’t have even one friend who would laugh and then hug this… your friends might suck. Plus it’s on sale at Things from Another World, my favorite online comic shop. They’re always having some kinda sale, bless ’em.
he's great with the kids
Functional, hideous
Yes, it’s time to revisit my zobo apocalypse preparedness kit. I carry a flashlight around in my purse at all times (used it in Big Bear over the weekend!), my pantry is full of Bush’s baked beans (friggin’ delicious), and now I’ve finally found a sleeping bag that will allow me to run for my fucking life at the drop of a hat.
pictured: a daffodil fires his agent
…not to mention make me look like a radioactive tampon. The LeppiSelk Bag has finally found a cure for all those sexy camping trips: make a sleeping bag that can literally only fit one person. And the yellow one is the only way to go. How else with the rescue choppers find me (if they come at all)? They even have little booties! Adorable!
It’s code for rom-com
Boyfriend and I have been dating for just over three years now, and we’re still very much in love. This is new for me. Usually I leave after about two years. I guess when people say, “The magic was gone,” maybe that’s what happened in my past relationships. I just wasn’t in love anymore. I wasn’t as happy as I knew I could be. So I left. Imagine my surprise when anniversary number two came and went without any change between Boyfriend and me. Our love stayed strong, and I’m happy.
One night when Boyfriend came home late from work, he tip-toed over to where I was fast asleep to say hi before getting ready for bed. This is common for us; to prioritize a loving greeting before all else. Of course, I was notorious for talking my sleep at the time, and was completely passed out. Boyfriend’s hands are usually cold, and I’ve always been known to generate heat at an alarming rate. So when he touched my face and hand that night, I apparently reacted in typical sleep-talking girlfriend fashion: I said, “No no, frozen pizza, no.” Then I insisted that “Pizza goes in the oven,” and put his ice-cold hand against my white-hot stomach, and pulled my shirt down over it, encasing his hand in my own personal furnace-tummy.
Thus were our pet names born: He is Pizza, I am Oven.
with anchovies and green olives
He left town today for a great job, and he’ll be gone for two weeks. I’m really proud of him. He’s going to make it, and he deserves to. Meanwhile, though, I miss him pretty bad. I always cry when he leaves for a job, even if it’s only for a few days. The act of separating is what’s so hard for me. Being apart is pretty lame too, but I’ve always been good at entertaining myself. He says he loves me because I’m strong. I cried when we said goodbye this morning. I can’t help it. I love my Pizza.
New goodness!
Goats on Stuff is exactly what it sounds like: It’s a website dedicated to posting photos of goats standing on stuff. Given that goats are natural climbers and sure-footed on just about any surface, and that humans love interacting with other species in odd, often inappropriate ways, this website was a mathematical inevitability. It’s on my Goodness page (look up) in the miscellaneous section.
not pictured: drugs
Germany, you sneak…
Being an art history major is pretty fun sometimes. It turns movies like The Da Vinci Code into a comedy (except for the part where all the evil Vatican people are meeting in that giant wooden room, and there in the background is a super cool painting that’s been lost to history: The Taking of Christ by Caravaggio! Someone in the props department did their homework 🙂
check out that awesome highlighting!
Anyway, it’s fun to see art pop up in weird places, especially when its used in bizarre ways. Like all those rappers (and people in their entourage [what a catch! Check out “Xscape” last album cover, LOL) I see with that “praying hands” tattoo; do they have any idea of its origins? I think they’re all under the impression that it’s just a set of thoroughly Christian hands (which is true). But that’s not all… at all!
yes, that is the contemporary pope being eaten by a demon from hell in the lower left
Around 1500, a German Renaissance man named Albrecht Dürer was getting famous by freaking people out with his woodblock prints of the four horsemen of the apocalypse. He did a whole series of these, and they’re all pretty crazy. He was a painter who established himself with these super scary prints and his fine technical abilities as an engraver.
Around 1507, he was commissioned to paint a triptych for some wealthy dude in Germany. This was totally common at the time; rich people would commission paintings of saints and contemporary popes and shit to gain favor with THE LORD, and basically buy their way into heaven. Hax. Anyway, Dürer, like any good artist, did some sketches before dedicating himself to this project for two years. One of the studies was of a pair of praying hands (“Betende Hände” in German) to be used on one of the guys in the painting who watches Jesus’ mom, Mary, get assumed into heaven (like a dust bunny into a Hoover).
the original
Recently these hands have been used on some inexplicably non-sequitur stuff (skateboards and t-shirts come to mind). But my favorite medium that these hands show up in has to be the loads of less-than-classy tattoos, often to demonstrate faith in Christianity (this guy keeps similar company), prayer for the death of one or many loved ones, belief in zombie Jesus, or that you might be a giant douche bag who has no clue that you’re wearing a sketch done by a Renaissance era German engraver.
These hands are so popular, they’re reproduced in just about every tacky medium you can think of: little gold pendants, creepy bronze statues, ugly crystal knick-knacks, and fucking mugs.
original image file name: gold-iced-out-rosary-cross-praying-hands-bead-necklace
What if one of Dürer’s other studies for that painting had skyrocketed to fame instead? Like this one of some very pleasant looking feet. Can’t you just picture those on your grandmother’s bookshelf under the “Footprints in the Sand” poster?
tickle tickle!
Be Random, Be Clear 
