goodness

Widow, murderer, heroine

Oh hey Judith, whatcha got there?  A loyal dog?  A warm winter coat?  Why no, it’s the head of Holofernes, that belligerent dick who threatened to invade and massacre your village.  Nice violence, Judith.

widow, murderer, heroine, in that order

Seriously, this is why art is awesome.  This could just be another portrait of a lady, but that subtle whisper of hair behind her, and just a smidgen of face underneath it suggests death at the hand of a beautiful woman, which is always a little fascinating.  It makes you want to stare at this picture and try to figure out what else you may have missed.

Also, don’t mess with Turkish women.  If you rape them, they will channel Judith and chop of your head and show it off to the locals (like this one Turkish woman did just a few days ago).

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goodness

A sample of Art History

by Maxfield Parrish

If you’ve never taken an art history class, here’s your chance to see what it’s like.

Turn off the lights, and watch this short narrative about how trees affect this curator at The Metropolitan Museum of Art.

My mind tends to enter a mode of hyper-interaction when I’m online, so I have to remind myself of the key phrase that re-focused me whenever my mind started to wander in my own art history classes during collage: “Shhh.  Look closely.”

It’s tough looking at pictures of art for hours at a time, in the dark, while a soothing voice drones on about this emperor or that goddesses, why this type of marble was used and how paints are made.  A silent, sharp mind is necessary, and mine was not always either one.  But art history is the best!  It’s a picture book of human history.  Super cool!

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goodness, humor

History, today

"Mmm, yes, quite."

Check out this lady (Queen Beatrix of Netherlands) in her amazing carriage.  That’s right, it’s a fucking carriage, complete with horses and all.  Yes, that’s real gold covering the coach, and I’d bet my bonnet that whole rig was carved by hand over a hundred years ago.  Let’s do some research…

RESEARCH COMPLETE!
The carriage is 112 years old!  Apparently this coach has been involved in all kinds of royal shit.  When the Crown Princess Beatrix married the German Claus van Amsberg during World War II, there was significant disapproval from the masses: “As the royal pair rode through the streets of Amsterdam in the carriage, smoke bombs exploded. Many photos show the golden coach, bearing the happy couple, emerging from clouds of smoke.”  History, you are awesome.  Apparently the coach was also involved in “…sexual escapades by members of the Royal Constabulary.”  I might have to buy this book to find out in what kind of scandal that carriage assisted (if it ever gets translated into English).

it's the cinderella carriage!

My favorite part: “… the roof had to be raised in order to accommodate voluminous royal hairstyles and hats.” HA!  Royalty.

UPDATE: 2:48pm
OMFG it’s her, lol!  You can find the original (I’m going to call it a portrait) here, at one of my favorite online comics, Hark a Vagrant.

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