I < 3 Ancient Warfare Technology

I know I’m a couple millenia late coming to this party, but trebuchets are awesome. I enjoy the simple, yet elegant design. I love the use of various materials (cloth, leather, metal, wood) and distinguished concepts (slingshot, lever, gravity) that makes them work, and I love watching them hurl shit farther than should be humanly possible. I’m just such a fan.

Leave it to the Japanese to turn it into a gameshow of some kind involving a picture-in-picture reaction to the chaos unfolding. How many Gs do you think those people experience? Having poked fun at the Japanese, I seriously doubt that the French (or the Greeks or Chinese for that matter) never did this way back in the day. How brutal would that be? Take a prisoner, then hurl them back into their own camp. Wow. Color me enthused.

[I just looked it up on Wikipedia and found this gem: “Occasionally, disease-infected corpses were flung into cities in an attempt to infect and terrorize the people under siege, a medieval form of biological warfare.” I know I should be horrified by this but OH MY GOD that is such a great idea. Remember in Lord of the Rings when the Urukhai hurl the heads of the fallen men of Gondor back into their base? I was all, “Eeeew, that’s gross, hahaha, cool!” Anyway…]

Which brings me to the topic of the French. My slight dislike of them (based on some extremely stereotypically snooty–and downright mean–experiences I had in Paris over a decade ago, and my Australian family’s inherent, if harmless and often funny prejudices) is rapidly diminishing due in large part by their health care system (generous), their education system (boisterous), and the growing secularism of their government (awesome). And let’s not forget the most important part: trebuchets. Any culture that uses something that awesome deserves a second chance at my adoration.

So ok, French people. You’re got your second chance. Thrill me.

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About Toph Beifong

www.tigerlilytoph.com View all posts by Toph Beifong

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