martial arts

Climbing leads to Kung Fu

I went rock climbing in April of last year with some friends.  We had a blast, and what a weird sport to get into.  The people who are really into it tend to be hippies, or at the very least like to grow their hair long and talk about their auras.  Regardless, watching someone do some serious bouldering is totally awe-inspiring.  I got to know a couple people there, who warned me that the rock climbing gym is a “meat market,” and to watch out for guys who offer to help too eagerly.  They were right, but everyone else was super cool.

One of the women who works at the gym also does Kung Fu (southern style; that means fast hands, no flying kicks or big fancy swooping gestures).  She and I have become buddies, and when she learned about my martial arts background, she invited me to take a class at her gwoon where she also works.  I took a few beginner’s classes before one of the head instructors took me aside and said, “Why are you in the beginner’s classes?”
me: Uh, I dunno, gotta get the basics down, starting at the bottom…
him: You should be taking intermediate level classes.  You’re obviously having no problem learning the moves, let’s move you up.  You’re picking it up really fast, you have a natural talent for this, so lets get you in some upper level classes.
me: [probably blushing] …Ok.  Thanks.  Sounds good.

[Little-known fact: I blush at the drop of a hat.  You could say, “Hey, nice shoes,” and I would turn three different shades of scarlet.  Ok that’s a little extreme, but I radiate radish red in the face of even a little genuine embarrassment.]

So I’ve taken… three intermediate level classes, and I’m not having any trouble keeping up with the moves or the pace.  But I am… I think the technical term is “really fucking sore.”  Driving to work today, I winced turning on my blinker.  My shoulders are taking the brunt of the abuse (loads of pushups, punching, blocks).  My forearms are covered with bruises from three star training.  Iron palm doesn’t bother me for some reason.  You’d think jabbing and slapping a punching bag filled with sand would cause me some discomfort.

I saw my buddy break a coconut with her bare hand the other night.  Craaaaaazy.  And she’s totally fine today.  So weird.  I told my dad about it, and he said, “Don’t do it.” lol

EDIT: I saw my buddy today, and she pointed to her chin and said, “See this?”  It was a bruise from when I kicked her in the face during class two days ago.  We were doing spinning back kicks, and she was holding the pad at her chest level (being significantly shorter than me, the pad was actually at about my waist level, and I’m used to kicking high, so… yeah).  My foot glanced off the pad, and my heel landed square on the lower left side of her chin.  Apparently the pain radiated up through her skull and ended at the opposite eyeball.  While I feel really bad about this, I wasn’t really trying too hard, so I’m feelin’ pretty good about my kicks, lol.

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humor, martial arts, work

Open letter to dojo attendees

Dear Adult White Male(s),

Stop fucking with me. Do you want to learn martial arts, or not? That’s what I thought, so stop talking back. That, that right there, that’s what I’m talking about. You’re the student, I’m the instructor. That means I’m going to critique you and boss you around. It comes with the territory, but I’m a good teacher with no ego, so I’m not going to be a dick about it. Stop fighting me. And stop almost punching me in the face when I hold up a target in front of my chest, then try to justify it by saying that I told you to “aim for the chin.” YOUR chin. In the MIRROR. When you’re PRACTICING. Do I really need to tell you not to punch me in the face? I do? Fuck.

FYI, we’re not doing that again. Next time you’re in class, and I tell you to slow down, you’re going to slow the fuck down. Because you’re not doing it right, Adult White Male. You’re doing it wrong, and I’m trying to fix that, but your giant sense of privilege and big fat head are getting in the way.

Come to learn, or don’t come at all. There’s a reason I’m the instructor, and you’re not. Everyone gets that except you. Your attitude is boring and trite. Get over yourself. Being better than most of the class is not the equivalent of being good. Your technique is sloppy and rushed. You’re the worst kind of noob: the kind that thinks he’s not a noob. But you are. You are a giant noob with a big problem taking instruction. Get over it, or don’t enter the dojo at all.

Frankly,

Skilled Female Sensei

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goodness, martial arts, nerd

Ogami Ittō, I come for you!

I recently finished the first volume of Lone Wolf and Cub, a manga about a rogue samurai and his infant son, who, against great peril, travel the countryside murdering the shit out of people for a large fee. It’s pretty friggin’ sweet. The main character uses his son as part of his often intricate strategies to assassinate his targets. And the son seems semi-aware of the danger. Their bond is hard to describe, pretty bizarre, and totally, ruthlessly, brutally awesome.

But who knew that there was a 6-disc TV series created in 1974? Apparently this series was first published in 1970 in Japan, where it was HUGELY popular. The original publishing company, First Comics, folded, and Dark Horse, bless them, re-published the entire series (even the last issues that were unpublished by First Comics).

So I’m hooked. But why isn’t there a collection of this somewhere? I need a Hellboy: Library Edition-style publication of this series. Am I really going to have to buy all 28 tiny little books? Yes. Will I? Probably. I’m going to get through at least the first four, and go from there. Wish me luck, oh people of the internet (none of whom read my secret blog)!

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goodness, humor, martial arts, nerd

Comics finally love me back

I participated in a small contest a little while ago at Meltdown Comics in honor of the Kick Ass movie coming out. I dressed up like a dog and did some martial arts (which turned out to be only slightly less ridiculous than it sounds), as you can see here. I had a lot of fun, got a few laughs, and met some cool people.

I placed fourth after a comedian, a fellow martial artists (he did flips, I can’t compete with that), and a guy who sang a song about coppin’ a feel (which was actually pretty harmless and funny).

Afterward, I got invited to be a guest on a radio show on comics (which I’ll post when it’s up). Then I was invited to blog for ComicsonComics.com. They’ve asked for one blog per week, and I’m a little freaked. I’m not sure I have that much to say on the topic of comics without any kind of prompt. We’ll see how it goes. I’m nervous! I’m hoping I can get through this with a healthy dose of pluck.

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