goodness, life, school

That nagging feeling

I found this artist, Jenny Holzer, recently.  This plaque of hers really struck me.

I’ve woken up so many times feeling this way, like something’s wrong but I can’t put my finger on it, so I can’t fix it, so I can’t escape it.  This must be the “silent desperation” Thoreau wrote about.  I’ve pinned it on not applying to grad school all this time, so we’ll see if that changes.

Yesterday, I sent in my application to grad school.  I didn’t tell anyone until later that night, when it occurred to me that it was probably worth mentioning to Boyfriend, who was more excited than I was.  It’s strange; I’ve finally applied to grad school, and I feel nothing.  I guess it’s just been a long time coming.  I’ll be (way) more excited if I’m accepted.

martial arts, work

Easy now…

Let’s not spill hot tea on my white cashmere sweater two hours before my first performance review at Office Job, shall we?

I’m going to have to miss Kung Fu tonight (again) to practice karate moves with some sensei friends.  Turns out I’m being evaluated at Karate Job too, in two weeks.  I need to work on my self-defense and grappling.  Everything else should be pretty solid.  My form has always been excellent, but they’re also making sure I know how to teach all the moves, not just do them (an important distinction).  I’m feeling pretty good about it.  Except for the grappling.  Yikes.

i am not very good at grappling

The good news is that I remember something about a raise if my performance review at Office Job goes well.  And if I pass my evaluation at Karate Job, I definitely get a raise.  So this is all good stuff, it’s just stressful.  Plus the car, and Boyfriend, and Russian Neighbor, and I’m sure I could think of something else that was bothering me if I wasted time to complain some more.  But I’m gonna pass on that.  Doesn’t seem worth it.