Before you ask, yeah, I’m a little drunk.  I’m a total light weight.  There is no such thing as “Sure, I’ll have a beer,” for me.  It’s more like “Sure, I have time to get drunk then sober up before I have to drive home.”  Tonight I had one beer with dinner, so YES, I am drunk.

mmmmm, boobies...

I don’t like falling asleep drunk.  Rather, it’s hard for me to fall asleep drunk because I’m so dizzy.  Then, because being supine results in equal distribution of blood to all parts of the body, my head gets all blood-swollen and I get dizzier.  Also hot.  Because of the beer’s exothermic reaction with my fabulous body.

So instead of going to bed, I hop on my compy and cruise around looking at online comics I neglected to read at work (what a slacker).  Picture, if you will, a damn beautiful tipsy brunette (I get pretty when drunk cus my face softens up and I’m usually out with friends so I put a little makeup on and put some effort into my clothes, plus my standards probably drop a little once I start drinking, etc.) reading one of her favorite online comics (SMBC) when she comes across THIS (see picture).

Yes, it’s a woman fondling herself.  Why?  Because Verizon made her crazy with their horrendously terrible customer service, and she’s become one of those lunatics that touch themselves in public.  And what more public place to experience your own body than the interwebz.

Later they show us that they intentionally photoshopped out a perfectly good laptop, which she is cradling against her breast for what can surely be no good fucking reason.  Is it her love child with Steve (as of today) Jobless?  Did Verizon create a human cyborg that can love machines and people equally?  Being less than sober, I thought, “Maybe this is normal, and my blood alcohol level is altering my perception to make me think this is weird.”  Public self-groping is weird, though, right?  Right?