goodness, humor, life

Highly inappropriate

there was also a stripper pole, fake money, and little spanking paddles

Teacher Roommate had a party yesterday to truly celebrate her birthday.  It was an Inappropriate Party, where everyone is supposed to show up wearing something offensive.  I thought about going in black face, but eventually decided on going naked.  Naturally, I didn’t have the stones (or the blood-alcohol level) to do that, so Diminutive Roommate and I got some nude unitards, colored on some askew nipples, threw on some thongs and fake pubes, and BAM!  We were ready for the party.

Unfortunately, we were not told that the rest of the females invited knew that “inappropriate” meant “excuse to dress whorishly.”  I have to say, I was disappointed.  I expected some creativity.  Instead we had no less than three “sexy school girls,” one “sexy Santa’s helper” (complete with lazy boyfriend in half-costume), one “sexy devil,” one dominatrix, etc.  So sad.  I expected more creativity, and less T&A.

Needless to say, Diminutive Roommate and I did everything we could to make people uncomfortable with our super gross fake pubic hair sticking out of the thongs we wore on the outside of our rather unflattering unitards.  I was pleased with our costumes; we got lots of laughs and had a fun time giving a lap dance to two prudish girls who showed up without costumes (apparently one was staunchly Christian, score!).

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goodness, humor

Is this NSFW or what?

Before you ask, yeah, I’m a little drunk.  I’m a total light weight.  There is no such thing as “Sure, I’ll have a beer,” for me.  It’s more like “Sure, I have time to get drunk then sober up before I have to drive home.”  Tonight I had one beer with dinner, so YES, I am drunk.

mmmmm, boobies...

I don’t like falling asleep drunk.  Rather, it’s hard for me to fall asleep drunk because I’m so dizzy.  Then, because being supine results in equal distribution of blood to all parts of the body, my head gets all blood-swollen and I get dizzier.  Also hot.  Because of the beer’s exothermic reaction with my fabulous body.

So instead of going to bed, I hop on my compy and cruise around looking at online comics I neglected to read at work (what a slacker).  Picture, if you will, a damn beautiful tipsy brunette (I get pretty when drunk cus my face softens up and I’m usually out with friends so I put a little makeup on and put some effort into my clothes, plus my standards probably drop a little once I start drinking, etc.) reading one of her favorite online comics (SMBC) when she comes across THIS (see picture).

Yes, it’s a woman fondling herself.  Why?  Because Verizon made her crazy with their horrendously terrible customer service, and she’s become one of those lunatics that touch themselves in public.  And what more public place to experience your own body than the interwebz.

Later they show us that they intentionally photoshopped out a perfectly good laptop, which she is cradling against her breast for what can surely be no good fucking reason.  Is it her love child with Steve (as of today) Jobless?  Did Verizon create a human cyborg that can love machines and people equally?  Being less than sober, I thought, “Maybe this is normal, and my blood alcohol level is altering my perception to make me think this is weird.”  Public self-groping is weird, though, right?  Right?

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humor, martial arts, work

These are our future leaders

pictured: a futile effort

Some kid openly farted in class last week.  We were just settling down in our quiet meditation circle when PPPHHHHHRHRRTT.  He sat on the floor, then leaned over and let it rip.

The girl next to him didn’t even react.  Literally, zero reaction.  I stared at him for a second and said, “Hey, that’s gross!  Don’t fart in here!”  He smiled, and as far as he was concerned, the conversation was over.  I had to force my disgusted adult brain to move on.  I realized I was the outsider, the only person bothered by what had just happened.

And that’s all I remember about that day.

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