goodness, life, nerd

Little heroines

Kids dressing like superheroes is adorable and fantastic.  No wonder there’s a website dedicated to them.

I don’t think I dressed up like a superhero, but I ran countless scenarios in my head about how I could save the day, and the superpowers I would use to do so.  I was amazing.  There were lots of cheesy one-liners and awesome poses, after which I would disappear while the adoring public wondered where I was, and reporters wrote articles giving me cool nicknames.

Not sure why I’m writing in the past tense.

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goodness, humor, life

YOU WILL KNOW HOW TO RIDE A BIKE

The best use of YouTube so far has to be the mass enjoyment of our species’ offspring.  Kids are ridiculous, and now, millions of people can laugh at each other’s children being themselves.

This is one of the best videos of some random kid I’ve seen to date.  I literally cried with laughter.  He steps up on a curb like it’s a stage.  Why is he yelling?  What does rock and roll have to do with anything?  This kid is the best.  I hope one of my potential future kids are like this guy: loud, confident, and unflappably optimistic.

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goodness, humor, life

Color me defined

It’s a harsh truth that, as complex as people are, just one or two pertinent questions usually tells us all we care to know about a person.  This is true at any age, though the questions change from elementary school to our mid-20s in the following pattern: visual aesthetic, intelligence, personality type, and personal ambition and economic status.

Mid-20s: What are you up to?
Also known as, “Are you currently employed?” this question determines if you’re a self-motivated go-getter and are therefore worth continuing to talk to, or if you’re just some jerk who bounces from job to job, complaining until you inevitably quit.

we're unique because we dress the same!

Where are you living?
In LA, there are only so many places we 20-somethings can afford to live:
Hollywood: I’m fucking poor, but I love the night life (but if you know of something opening up on the Westside, please let me know).
Silverlake: I ride my one-speed to art shows whenever my tight pants permit.  I eat pho and anything soy based; if it’s not organic, it’s murder.
Westside: I’d rather pay more rent and have gorgeous weather than save $150/mo to get mugged on my five-block walk from my car to my tiny apartment in K-town.
Culver City: I found that one affordable apartment near downtown Culver.  My friends are jealous.

College: What’s your major?
If your answer is Business or Communications, it’s like saying “I don’t know what interests me because I’m too lazy or too thick to be self-reflective,” or “My parents still control my life.”  Every other major is awesome in comparison to these conversation killers.

Are you rushing?
This is a question for freshmen, and a contentious one for some.  From my perspective:
Yes– You’re as lost as I am, but not confident enough to try this “college” thing out before attaching yourself to a group of people who look just like you.
Nah– I approve.
No way– What are you doing for lunch?  Let’s be friends.

High school:
Are you taking any APs this year?
If you weren’t in at least one AP class, you were one of those kids.  My friends were smart, and we had egos to match.  I’m not proud of it, but intellectual prowess was (and still kinda is) like a currency to buy the approval of our peers.

this is the face of judgement

Elementary school: What’s your favorite color?
I wish we could still ask people this.  It would be so telling.
Blue– not creative enough to think of another color
Green– one step up from blue, you decided you like plants (hippy)
Yellow– I can bully you later
Purple– you like dumb stuff like unicorns, and you’re nice to everyone
Black– the coolest person you know is your older (teenage) sibling
Brown– liar, no one likes brown more than blue
Orange– we should be friends
Red– you’re going to disrupt class later (it’s gonna be awesome)

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humor, life, martial arts, work

From the mouths of babes

Kids are cooler than adults.  Most of the time.

Example 1: Pain
Kids don’t define a day by the number of injuries they sustained.  Today I’m really sore from training, I’ll be sore tomorrow too, and in a few weeks, that’s all I’ll remember about this week.  I won’t remember that fun conversation I had with Michelle, or how, when she said, “I wanna learn how to do a flying kick,” and I said, “I can teach you that.  Check it out!” that I did a flying kick, followed by a jumping spinning roundhouse kick and almost nailed some lady that came into the office just then right in the FACE.  If I hadn’t written all this down, all I’d think about today is how much I want to use my friend’s hot tub because I’m so fucking sore that it’s hurting my back muscles to type this.

incapable of human speech

ALL HAIL HYPNOTOAD

Example 2: Truth
Most adults mush the truth around like spackle.  They use just enough to get the job done, and leave the rest sealed in a bucket.  Most kids will tell the truth about anything.
me: What does the frog say?
kid: Frogs don’t talk.
me: [Holy shit, he’s totally right.]

Example 3: Focus

adults hate crayons

Adults think kids have trouble concentrating.  They don’t.  Kids have amazing focus, they just don’t focus on stupid bullshit like getting dressed and doing homework.  But put them in front of their favorite toy, or a picture book, or box of crayons and a clean sheet of paper, and everything else in the world disappears completely.  They don’t worry about other crap.  They can do absolutely one thing at a time.  That’s what adults call meditation.

Example 4: Imagination
Fuck adults and their complete lack of creativity.  I joked with a group of kids and parents that I wish I had tentacles instead of hands so I could grab onto stuff better.  The kids laughed and said, “eew!”  The adults were just horrified and uncomfortable.  One of them actually looked sorry for me.  But the kids would not shut up about it.  “What if you had more hands instead?”  Jesus Christ, why didn’t I think of that?  Awesome.

I need to try to define my day with the funny, good stuff that happens, instead of what I’m doing this very second (being pissed that I have to teach a private lesson after the regular classes today, plus I invited my coworker buddy over to watch some anime or whatever, so I won’t have time to go hot tubbing, which is all I want to do right now because I can’t remember the last time I was in so much muscle-pain, and it’s honestly starting to freak me out).

I’m working on it.

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