goodness, life

I am a Professional Citizen

Yesterday I had adventures!

i like to think Steve Jobs would be proud

I had to drive all the way across town from where I’m now living with Boyfriend in Silverlake to my old place in Marina del Rey to give my apartment keys to Teacher Roommate, so she could hand them in today.  When I got in the elevator, I discovered a piece of gray luggage, unzipped, so I took a peek inside and found men’s clothing, some fancy cowboy boots, and an iPad.  An iPad?!  Why yes, an iPad.  I waited in the elevator for about five minutes waiting for the owner to come back and breathlessly exclaim, “Whew, it’s still here, I almost forgot my bag!”  But no.  So I took it into the apartment with me to keep it safe, at which point I got a phone call from Teacher Roommate.  “Heyyyyyy, can you help me with somethiiiiiiiiing?”  She had found herself in a typical sitom scenario after accidentally dropping her keys into the dumpster.

gross, smelly success!

I took the elevator back downstairs to the garage, found an old towel to drape over the edge of the dumpster, laid a recycling bin on its side, and watched the hilarity ensue (and took pictures, of course).  Back upstairs, we spackled up some holes, I grabbed whatever I had left there, plus the mysterious luggage, and drove away.  I reached the freeway before I realized that I had forgotten to pass of my keys to Teacher Roommate.

After pulling U-boat and correcting my lapse in memory, I jumped on the freeway and managed to make it all the way downtown before encountering my next adventure: a car stopped in the right lane on the interchange between the 110-N and the 101-N.  I pulled over, followed by a bright  green Jeep.  A guy in his early/mid-twenties got out of the Jeep and said he saw someone slumped over the wheel.  “Woah!  Is he dead?” I asked, pointlessly.  We went over to investigate, and with a few loud, EXCUSE-ME-SIR’s, managed to rouse him.  The old car was still running with this old man literally asleep at the wheel.  I walked over to the driver’s side, mindful of the oncoming cars, and told the guy to put it in park, which he did (with some difficulty).  I had just told him to scoot over when floodlights lit us up from behind: the cops had arrived!

i’m gonna pretend they looked like Erik Estrada from CHiPs

They unceremoniously told me to get out of the road (and rightfully so), which I did.  They got the guy out of his car and pulled the car onto the shoulder.  I told the man to step back from the road, and sit down, which he did, like a drunk.  I gave one cop my contact info and a quick rundown of what happened (not much) while the other cop chatted with the old man.  The cop (who was CHP I think, given the khaki uniform, right?) thanked me for pulling over, and wished me a good night.

I do stuff like this all the time.  If I see a broken down car, I push it.  If someone looks lost walking around, I stop and try to help them.  When I see a kitten, bleeding to death in the road, I rescue it and nurse it back to health.  Helping people (and kittens, apparently, but that’s new), makes me feel awesome.  It makes the day worth while, no matter what else has happened.

And THAT is why I am a Professional Citizen 🙂

UPDATE: I found the owner of the iPad’s phone number in his email signature when I attempted to email myself from the iPad so I could contact him somehow.  I left him a message last night before going to bed, and got a call back today!  He said thanks, and we’re still figuring out when he can come by to pick up his bag of stuff.

And just for the record, this is still going to happen.

goodness, life, nerd

Little heroines

Kids dressing like superheroes is adorable and fantastic.  No wonder there’s a website dedicated to them.

I don’t think I dressed up like a superhero, but I ran countless scenarios in my head about how I could save the day, and the superpowers I would use to do so.  I was amazing.  There were lots of cheesy one-liners and awesome poses, after which I would disappear while the adoring public wondered where I was, and reporters wrote articles giving me cool nicknames.

Not sure why I’m writing in the past tense.

goodness, life, martial arts

Just your friendly neighborhood masked vigilante

I’ve never actually given up on being a superhero (superheroine).

I’ve been reading comics since age… 8? I started with Archie, but soon blossomed into comics with fully violent characters who pranced around in sexually inappropriate S&M outfits in broad daylight, and saved the world from equally bizarrely-motivated and strangly dressed evil-doers in the process (I’m lookin’ at you, X-Men).

i would strike terror in the hearts of criminals with my adorable otter face

I was brainwashed by said sexy/violent comics from a very young age to believe that with the right timing, martial arts training and clever one-liners, I too could beat the shit out of criminals on a semi-nightly basis. Is it childish to believe I could still do this?

Here’s the biggest problem with fighting crime: you have to be there as it happens. How long does Batman spend crouched on rooftops night after night, watching nothing of note unfold on the streets below? I’m guessing hours and fucking hours. But with supervillains running around, there’s plenty of lawless extra-curricular activity to shut down.

So here’s my problem: I don’t live in Gotham. There aren’t a bunch of crazies scheduling heists and telling everyone and their mom about it so I can show up to save the day. Crime in the real world happens fast and usually without much planning, and definitely without uniformed goons carrying out the plans of some lunatic. I do not have my ear to the ground for news within the cocaine racket. I am incapable of learning about significant illegal activities (to a point where I could be a useful masked crusader) without joining the police, or a gang. Neither of which is sounding too appealing right now.

But that hasn’t stopped me from considering going through with it.

I look at masks online, considering the pros and cons of displaying the lower-half of my face. I think of what my outfit would look like (no cape), what my equipment might consist of (short, blunt weapons, stun gun). Then I think practically: when would I get the chance to change into this getup? While the crime is going on? So I would just leave while people get robbed or shot at or beaten? Would I wear my costume beneath my clothes all the time so I wouldn’t have to change into it? The whole situation is totally impossible.

but that chick in the wheelchair is toast

But then I think, I don’t need to be on the prowl for criminals. I would just have to react if I ever got the chance. No time to change into costume, or even reveal a costume.

But there would be time to don a mask.

Masks… are really, really cool. I want one. I want to wear one. I want to need one so I can justify spending too much money on one. But then I think, The paper trail! Don’t leave one! In case this whole thing gets out of hand. In case I end up on Youtube as some local heroine, and the police search for someone who purchased a mask like mine in the last year, and they’ll find me! And then bring me in for questioning! That’d be pretty gnarly.

There’s a part of me that will always think of this a totally doable because I want to protect those around me. It’s in my nature to be a guardian.  I can’t imagine that ever changing.