by Maxfield Parrish
If you’ve never taken an art history class, here’s your chance to see what it’s like.
Turn off the lights, and watch this short narrative about how trees affect this curator at The Metropolitan Museum of Art.
My mind tends to enter a mode of hyper-interaction when I’m online, so I have to remind myself of the key phrase that re-focused me whenever my mind started to wander in my own art history classes during collage: “Shhh. Look closely.”
It’s tough looking at pictures of art for hours at a time, in the dark, while a soothing voice drones on about this emperor or that goddesses, why this type of marble was used and how paints are made. A silent, sharp mind is necessary, and mine was not always either one. But art history is the best! It’s a picture book of human history. Super cool!
I woke up at 4:45am to go watch the lunar eclipse with my dad the other day. He brought a home-made coffee service in a basket. We sat on the beach in our sleeping bags and watched a white moon turn rusty orange/red before disappearing behind so much atmosphere as the sun rose.
There weren’t many people out there, but of those people, everyone was in twos or threes because waking up before dawn to stare at the moon for over an hour in the biting cold would be unbearable without company. Dad and I laid down and chatted between binocular viewings of the eclipse, which looked somewhat apocalyptic. I was warm and tired, but happy to be chatting with my dad, participating in something he was enthusiastic about.
nothing like a creepy doll peeking through the window to keep you up at night
I showed Diminutive Roommate some manga the other night, specifically Mail of the horror genre, and let me tell you: she is freaked out. It’s about a detective whose clients hire him to exorcise ghosts. Spooky! Diminutive Roommate is currently reading through the second issue in as many days. She came into my room last night to sit on my bed with me while we both read our respective ghost stories because she didn’t want to read it alone.
One chapter involves a little girl who was stuck in an elevator. As she climbed out, the elevator drops and chops off her legs. At first, the ghost of just her legs is occasionally seen standing around in the elevator. But the little girl dies a few years later, and a ghost of just her upper half can be seen dragging itself around the building in search of her legs. Yikes.
Naturally, there was an article in the LA Times this morning about a woman who was in an elevator that got stuck between floors. Apparently, she “climbed out of the elevator, but the car started moving again…The car dropped onto her, crushing her.” She died. I sent the article to Diminutive Roommate. We may or may not be sleeping with the lights on tonight.
The Mail series is really excellent. If you want to be spooked without too much gore, this is perfect. There is, of course, death, and some murders, but the majority of the stories center around the mysterious circumstances surrounding the hauntings. The author, Housui Yamazaki, is also the illustrator, so he gets to do exactly what he wants with each page. The result is some of the scariest page-turns I’ve ever experienced. Once, I was so spooked, I literally burst out laughing and had to put the book down for a minute while my heart hammered in my chest. And it wasn’t gross or gory, it was just a well-done story arc that climaxed at a page turn and freaked me out. Highly recommended.
heeeeere kitty kitty kitty
As long as we’re on the topic, I have to mention The Kurosagi Corpse Delivery Service. Housui Yamazaki illustrates this one, too, and it’s pretty great. It has more gore than Mail, but there’s a surprising amount of humor in it. I found myself laughing aloud at the dialog in every issue. The premise is that a group of college graduates are having trouble finding work, so they group together to use their weird abilities (dowsing for bodies, speaking to the dead, etc.) to help the dead reach a place where their souls can rest, often resulting in shenanigans and various tom-foolery. It’s a good, spooky time.
If you’re not into manga, I understand, really. But these two are worth a shot.
Since I have more fight training than the average person, I’m always looking for ways to teach people how to defend themselves. I think it annoys my friends. Sorry guys.
But what’s the point of having useful knowledge if you’re not going to share it? Seriously. It has to be shared. So I’m going to post a few short lessons on how to fight without injuring yourself.
pictured: incoming ass-whooping
Basic tenants of fighting:
-Keep your eyes open, even when under attack. Most people close their eyes when they see a hit coming. Fight that reflex. You need to see what’s going on.
-Keep your hands up. Protect your face and head.
-Most people don’t know how to fight, but that doesn’t make them harmless. Be cautious. You never know who you’re up against, how much training they might have, how many friends they have with them, or if they’re carrying a knife (or worse).
-AVOID FIGHTS. The best way to keep yourself from getting beaten up is to avoid fighting at all. Keep an eye out for trouble before it happens. Make friends, not enemies. Be polite to the barkeep. Don’t start anything. Period.
Lesson 1: How to throw a punch
A lot of people (children and adults) instinctively hide their thumbs under the rest of their fingers when making a fist. DON’T DO THAT. All the pressure of the punch will travel straight to the first knuckle of your thumb and break it. Which means that you just broke your own thumb, and you don’t get to brag/complain about it later.
Step One: Make a proper fist
Fold down all your fingers (excluding your thumb) until all your nails are hidden against the palm of your hand. Place your thumb across them like ribbon on a present, making sure that when you throw your punch, your thumb will not make contact with the target. Don’t clench your fingers; fold them into place.
yuri sakazaki has excellent form (no, really)
Step Two: Keep your wrist straight
The force of the punch should travel straight through your hand and wrist without any nasty snapping sounds. Throwing a punch with a bent wrist is a great way to injure yourself, and make your opponent’s job all that much easier.
Step Three: Prepare your body
A solid punch starts in your feet. Get in a solid, relaxed stance; left foot in front (if you’re a righty), both hands in fists near your face with elbows pointing to the ground. Bend your knees a little. Drop your shoulders. Keep your eyes on your target.
Step Four: Crack the whip
I often liken throwing a good punch to cracking a whip. The motion starts by pushing off from your back foot. Next, swivel your hips so they turn to face your opponent. Throw your right shoulder forward. As you throw your fist toward your target, your elbow should be behind your fist, so that your forearm defines the trajectory of your punch.
Step Five: Obliterate your opponent
Contrary to what you see in movies, your fist should travel in a straight line, not in a curve across your opponent’s face. Think of the target in front of you as an obstacle your fist needs to get through in order to reach your real goal. Punch straight through your target to your imaginary goal.
Step Six: Repeat
My personal motto: If you’re going to hit him once, you might as well hit him twice. If you’re in a position where you’re forced into physical confrontation, fight to win. The first hit is to warn them that you’re not going to surrender. The second one lets them know the first one wasn’t a fluke, and yes, you’re dedicated to winning the fight.
After all this, book it! Your objective should be your safety, not making your opponent bleed as much as possible. Once you’ve won, walk away. Fast. Long fights are the worst. End it before you accidentally give them an opening to inflict some damage. Even amateurs get lucky.
Be Random, Be Clear 