Teacher Roommate and I were sitting in the living room watching Buffy the Vampire Slayer on Netflix when she burst out laughing, and could not stop. She turned her laptop around and showed me the below image she found on Pinterest under the category “how to humiliate your pets.” I doubt this image will ever fail to improve my day.
Teacher Roommate can be very… blunt and to the point with herself. This comes out in little ways like how she writes little reminders to herself in terse little messages on the back of her left hand, or in the titles of the alarms on her iPhone.
Her dad is in town on a visit. They are the drinkin’est family I have ever heard of (aside from the Australians I encountered when I visited my family in Tasmania). Naturally, when I get home around 730, they’ve already been out drinking for a while. We texted back and forth for a bit about the internet debacle (now fixed), and how her dad helped her set it up (thanks dad!). Then I receive this non-sequitur gem:
And my day has been made. Thank you Teacher Roommate.
Tonight, I arrived at home to discover that everyone in my apartment has had an excellent 24 hours.
Teacher Roommate met the owner of Mendocino Farms (our new favorite place), and he gave her a free sandwich (she’s painting a jelly fish right now– see picture at right). Diminutive Roommate exchanged the Xbox her coworkers bought her for her birthday for a Wii (she’s hooking it up right now!). Boyfriend just discovered that he landed a job that will take him to London for a week. And of course, I applied to graduate school yesterday; I even got a phone call from someone in the program congratulating me on completing (and submitting) my application in full.
And Calico just got her dinner. So everyone is having a stellar day.
This has not been my best month ever.
We lost a great roommate (High School Friend) to graduate school in another state, and attempted to fill her spot. Without friends available to do so, we searched on Craigslist with semi-disastrous results (Treacherous Wench backed out the day before she was supposed to move in). So we gambled and assumed that Diminutive Roommate’s old college roomie would be able to live with us if we could find a place that suited our needs (i.e. a bigger room for her). Luckily she has decided to live with us (yay!). Two Saturdays in a row we hunted for apartments all day long, driving around the Westside in my little Fiat, hoping to find an owner or manager desperate enough to offer us a place on the spot because, let’s face it, it was the 20th, and we were running out of time.
We found a place we all loved, they even put in new carpets! But it took us a while to get our paperwork in. Finally, with everything properly submitted, a couple nail-biting days passed before we heard that my parents will have to cosign the least to make up for my apparently questionable, previously immaculate credit.
Furious at this blatantly false accusation, I rushed home from Karate Job to check my credit score. Three days ago, it dropped 55 points. Fifty-five points. In one day. HOW DOES THAT HAPPEN. Apparently when you get a new car and put in two applications for apartments, your credit gets checked all the fucking time. I also paid one bill late last week (through no fault of my own THANKS FOR NOTHING, GAP). Five hard inquiries within a month later, my credit score could not stand the constant verification, and collapsed under the weight of the absurd credit rating system to which it is a tiny, starved, brainless slave.
Now, at age 27, I have to call up my folks and ask them to vouch for me financially, after I just bought the first brand new car my family has ever owned, impressing everyone with my financial prowess. It’s infuriating, and frankly humiliating.
Now begins the moving process, when I spend all my free time attempting to fit my life into too few boxes in too little time. Which means… no more World of Warcraft until after the move. DAMMIT, UNIVERSE, I NEED MY FIX.
Not my best month ever.
P.S. Amidst all this, I’m happy about something: moving is a cleansing process which, while difficult, is always good. It’s an exercise that needed to happen. I have too much stuff. I need to shed all that extra fur and let my summer coat come out. You should see my summer coat. Gorgeous.
I got some bad news this morning. The girl who was planning on moving in with Diminutive Roommate and me bailed on us. Yesterday. Via Facebook. The day before she was going to move in. It’s been a stressful morning. I got a message from Diminutive Roommate (who had just read the Facebook message about how Traitorous Wench was basically dumping us for someone else).
I called her back as I parked for work at Office Job, and spent a good half hour ranting with her about how screwed we would be if we weren’t financially responsible, hard-working people. We’re both just shocked at how selfish Traitorous Wench has been. Diminutive Roommate suggested taking her to small claims court. I said we should wait a week or two and see if our sakki* had subsided by then.
Faced with annoying, stressful (but not horrible) crap, I regress into imaginationland, or find something to laugh at. I decided to have a look at the most popular searches that have brought my blog to the attention of the world. The results are pretty great.
dýně– Czech for pumpkin. I get lots of hits for pumpkins. No surprise there. Pumpkins are the best.
фацепалм– Russian for facepalm. I might have some friends in Russia if this is what they’re searching for.
юри хэнтай– Russian, something relating to hentai. I just lost some friends in Russia if this is what they’re searching for.
требушет– Russian for trebuchet. Heads up, Japan. They’re doing their research.
goat in karate outfit– This is my favorite search so far. I’ve written about martial arts, I’ve posted about goats standing on stuff. The two were unrelated, until now.
гай фокс– Russian for Guy Fawkes (I think). The most popular search term for my blog is Guy Fawkes. Random.
what is hentai?– Among all the other explicitly hentai sex-driven searches my blog experiences, the innocence of this search is heartbreaking. Imagine what this brought up. My posts mentioning hentai are nerf-town compared to what’s out there.
the beavers over under sideways down– Wow! Someone actually searched for this super obscure Japanese 1960’s band! Sweet!
sexy orochimaru– What?! No no no.
جاى فوكس– This translates roughly to “gay fox vagina.” Wow. Way to go, UAE.
фильм сомбреро– Russian for Sombrero! Ole!
scary basking shark pictures– Is there any other kind? Seriously, basking sharks are horrifying to behold.
Ironically, I played a game called Betrayal at House on Haunted Hill last night at Treehouse friend’s place, during which I became the “traitor,” and went around the house attacking and eventually subduing the rest of the participants. It’s like art reflecting life. Traitorous Wench!
*Sakki is a Japanese term describing a sense of bloodlust, or killing intent, directed at another person. High-level practitioners of martial energy work (Aikido, Samurai, etc.) can sense this. Even those with no energy or martial arts training can sense this enough to become intimidated or frightened. This concept is mentioned in Lone Wolf and Cub, Naruto, Inuyasha, and many other manga and anime in which combat is common. See here and here.