goodness, humor

MS Paint, my first love

My coworker (let’s call her Hollywood Coworker for her constant mention of how she used to “work in the industry,” and watches a lot of TV) often laments (read: hates) being older than the college students we’re inevitably surrounded by (working on a college campus and all), and the other day was no different.  I told her how a lot of my childhood drawings were done on MS Paint, and showed her my favorite new drawing tool: crayon!  She complained about how she used to use actual crayon, and how it’s so much better (having never used MS Paint).  So I decided to show her the ropes.  Then this happened:

“Ok, guess what I’m drawing.”

that’s it

“… alligator.”


Seriously, how did she know?  This cracked me up.  OH LIFE.

UPDATE: This website dedicated to using MS Paint is adorable.


For the sake of beauty

It’s easy to see why the art of painting on gold leaf fascinates people.  The arresting juxtaposition of matte color on a warm, reflective surface, the opulence, the sheer size of the Japanese folding screens painted in this fashion… it’s worth while to pause and enjoy, to let your eyes rest on something beautiful for a while.

Suzuki Kiitsu “Morning Glories”


Etsy photo of the day

a self portrait of Van Dyck. same hair!

I love Etsy.  It’s basically an online craft market, and who wouldn’t love that?

This crown (and its photo) caught my eye today.  At first I laughed and silently ridiculed it, but the fact is, this fantastic photo resembles Renaissance (especially Flemish) portraiture so closely (even her face type is typical of that era of portraiture), that I actually really enjoy it.  For just $30, this crown (Neptune’s Crown, as it’s called on the site) can be yours.  Lucky you.


goodness, nerd

I love you, Japan

by Kono Bairei

The art of the Japanese woodblock print is a fantastic demonstration of how, with very limited means, humans make spectacularly beautiful art.  Woodblock prints are some of the most delicate, intricate works produced from Japan.  They’re just gorgeous.  Hokusai’s Great Wave of Kanagawa is probably the most famous, and it’s not hard to see why.  [Then there’s the erotic woodblock print genre, which is pretty hilarious, and occasionally horrifying, but I digress]

I found today a series of classic video game characters (Samus, Megaman, Link) illustrated in the style of traditional Japanese woodblock prints.  They’re so silly and cool.  Nerds are the best.  Japan is the best.  I love you, Japan.

I remember playing through the first few hours of Metroid Prime (which I need to replay, what a great game) before Diminutive Roommate told me that Samus was female.  I’ve played so many male characters, I was super excited to play a lady.  I became attached to the game, fond of it even.  It’s an old friend who made me die a lot, and freaked me out with space pirates.  Good times.

badness, goodness, life

Oh, Imaginary Thing, please protect me from this other Imaginary Thing

faith's all, CHILL, I GOT THIS

What I love (read: despise) about religion is that it claims to be the only cure for a problem it creates.  That’s like stealing everyone’s light bulbs, then “helpfully” selling them flashlights.

Leave it to the Flemish painters of the 16th century to illustrate this idea perfectly.  Check out this drawing by Maarten van Heemskerck, entitled “Man Protected By the Shield of Faith.”

As if the devil (whose penis is a forked tongue, and knees are capped with beast heads, because being the devil isn’t enough, apparently you really have to illustrate it with messed up genitalia and patellas) isn’t a fabrication of the very faith that claims to protect man from him.  Without religion, faith and the devil disappear, and this illustration becomes a drawing of a man playing a game of “If you’re happy and you know it clap your hands.”

But then, without  the talent of Flemish artists to freak us out, and religion to freak them out, we wouldn’t have paintings like this one by Joos van Cleve, where Jesus is totally ripped and wearing a Superman cape while squashing some poor fat putti (tiny pudgy angel kids).  I recall from my art history classes (which I loved) that Jesus is often depicted as physically fit when placed in a Last Judgement scene, which this is.  Still hilarious, though.  “He died for your sins, then went to Gold’s gym to pump iron and check out the ladies on the treadmills.”

meanwhile, everyone in the foreground is all, WTF WHY DID WE BRING OUR BED SHEETS TO THE APOCALYPSE FML