it's mine. forever.
Monthly Archives: August 2011
Curse your sudden but inevitable betrayal!
I got some bad news this morning. The girl who was planning on moving in with Diminutive Roommate and me bailed on us. Yesterday. Via Facebook. The day before she was going to move in. It’s been a stressful morning. I got a message from Diminutive Roommate (who had just read the Facebook message about how Traitorous Wench was basically dumping us for someone else).
hey look, it's me.
I called her back as I parked for work at Office Job, and spent a good half hour ranting with her about how screwed we would be if we weren’t financially responsible, hard-working people. We’re both just shocked at how selfish Traitorous Wench has been. Diminutive Roommate suggested taking her to small claims court. I said we should wait a week or two and see if our sakki* had subsided by then.
Faced with annoying, stressful (but not horrible) crap, I regress into imaginationland, or find something to laugh at. I decided to have a look at the most popular searches that have brought my blog to the attention of the world. The results are pretty great.
dýně– Czech for pumpkin. I get lots of hits for pumpkins. No surprise there. Pumpkins are the best.
фацепалм– Russian for facepalm. I might have some friends in Russia if this is what they’re searching for.
юри хэнтай– Russian, something relating to hentai. I just lost some friends in Russia if this is what they’re searching for.
требушет– Russian for trebuchet. Heads up, Japan. They’re doing their research.
goat in karate outfit– This is my favorite search so far. I’ve written about martial arts, I’ve posted about goats standing on stuff. The two were unrelated, until now.
гай фокс– Russian for Guy Fawkes (I think). The most popular search term for my blog is Guy Fawkes. Random.
what is hentai?– Among all the other explicitly hentai sex-driven searches my blog experiences, the innocence of this search is heartbreaking. Imagine what this brought up. My posts mentioning hentai are nerf-town compared to what’s out there.
the beavers over under sideways down– Wow! Someone actually searched for this super obscure Japanese 1960’s band! Sweet!
sexy orochimaru– What?! No no no.
جاى فوكس– This translates roughly to “gay fox vagina.” Wow. Way to go, UAE.
фильм сомбреро– Russian for Sombrero! Ole!
scary basking shark pictures– Is there any other kind? Seriously, basking sharks are horrifying to behold.
Ironically, I played a game called Betrayal at House on Haunted Hill last night at Treehouse friend’s place, during which I became the “traitor,” and went around the house attacking and eventually subduing the rest of the participants. It’s like art reflecting life. Traitorous Wench!
*Sakki is a Japanese term describing a sense of bloodlust, or killing intent, directed at another person. High-level practitioners of martial energy work (Aikido, Samurai, etc.) can sense this. Even those with no energy or martial arts training can sense this enough to become intimidated or frightened. This concept is mentioned in Lone Wolf and Cub, Naruto, Inuyasha, and many other manga and anime in which combat is common. See here and here.
Digital Ouroboros
This showed up on my Facebook page today:
wtf so meta
Isn’t this like the pope blessing himself? Like Steve Jobs giving himself an iPod? Like a snake eating its own tail?
It’s so unnecessary! If you’re on Facebook, you don’t need to “like” it, too. We know you like it because you’re using it! *sigh* It strikes me as masturbatory. How much of an ego stroking does a company worth over a billion dollars really need? My participation isn’t enough, now you need me to explicitly say that I like you? Relax, Facebook. You’re sounding more and more like a needy boyfriend, and it’s really unattractive.
Proof; dogs are the best
OMFG ok so apparently there is a professional photographer (named Carli Davidson) who has FINALLY decided to do what I wanted to do in middle school: take photos of dogs mid-shake. You can see them here.
For the record: Dogs are awesome, and in no small part because they do hilarious stuff like shaking all their loose skin around so hard that they hit themselves in the eye with their own lips. I think people love dogs because they’re the same animal before and after doing something stupid and humiliating. They’re panting and happy before they accidentally run into the wall on their way down the stairs, and they’re panting and happy afterward. Who wouldn’t love that kind of hilarious consistency?
I had a 130lb golden retriever growing up named Buster. He was the BEST. He would lean on you with all his weight if you pet him, and fall over if you stepped away too fast. His tail was so strong that it could (and did) slam doors. He would occasionally go nuts, and run up and down the stairs at break-neck speed for no reason, only to slip on the wood floor at the base of the stairs, and roll around in my parents room with a mad look in his eyes before taking off down the hall again. When we played with him, he would never gnaw on us too hard. Mom would yell “Ow!” when he chewed on her arm, and he would let go and calm down until she pet him to show she was ok. He kept her company at home while she took time off work. Sister liked to put hats on him, and tried to get him to sleep in her bed (he always took up all the room). He was a total softie, and would scamper to hide behind us if a significantly smaller dog barked at him on the street. I once kicked a dog that went after him. When the owner yelled at me, I told him to put his (significantly smaller) animal on a leash. The only time anyone ever heard him growl was when Mom was home alone, and a man who came to the house wouldn’t let her shut the front door on him. Buster apparently stood next to Mom and snarled. The man left. What a great dog. We found him in 1995 wandering the streets while babysitting another golden retriever named Sadie. He died at home in 2002 while I was on a first (and last) date with a friend. He was the BEST.
Small miracles
Today I read an article that made me cry a little. Yeah, everyone knows I’m a big softy with a sharp mouth. This one made my heart grow three sizes.
It’s so rare to hear good news that involves an interaction between the religious community and the gay community, but that’s exactly what this article is: a beautiful little story where a priest and a gay dude in his undies smiled and understood each other.
Grab a tissue and read it here. Then share it.
OMFG Imaginarium
inside: pure magic
I cannot begin to describe how rapidly and thoroughly I lost my shit whenever I saw the Imaginarium storefront. My child-brain turned to mush as soon as I walked through the small door (I don’t think I ever entered through the big door). My parents never bought us anything from this fantastic wonderland of magic and Legos, but they were generous enough to let us wander around and stare at stuff. And stare we did. O man. Did I stare.
Not that I can remember anything I saw in there. Except for the magnetic train set on wooden tracks that went up and down and made little turns and went through an awesome bridge… UGH I WANTED IT SO BAD!!
I still do.
UPDATE:
Holy shit here it is! The Imaginarium Classic Train Table with Roundhouse Wooden Train Set! Just $285!
perfection
QR birthday
it's a secret code. it says... burfdah.
Today is Boyfriend’s birthday! Apparently his parents didn’t make a big deal out of birthdays when he was growing up, so I take it upon myself every year to do something special for him. Last year was a surprise party with Sprinkles cupcakes and about thirty people. The year before… can’t remember, but I know I had a few things for him to unwrap (Hellboy?). It must have been epic to have escaped my memory so thoroughly.
I didn’t get anything for him this year. He doesn’t like collecting crap, so you can’t just buy anything. For the surprise party, I told everyone to bring one pair of socks since he needed some, and now he’s flush. This year I made up for a lack of wrapping paper with an abundance of nerd-inspired artistic creativity. I generated a bunch of QR codes that read as little messages when decoded with an iPhone, wishing him happy birthday, and telling him about my plans for his birthday (DAIKOKUYA, driving my car while I sing happy birthday to him, etc.).
It was Diminutive Roommate’s idea to color them in, but omg it took forever. I always underestimate how much time an art project will take me. It’s crazy how time just slips away. I started watching Kaze no Stigma last night as I colored. I can’t decide if it’s funny, or the next generation of Fruits Basket.
I printed them out at work, colored them at home, woke up early and cut them out at his place, then closed myself in the closet and taped them up in a swirly pattern. I snapped a photo while he asked for water (“Ok baby, one second…”). Tee hee!
I’m an egg driving an egg
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I got my car last week, and it is… just awesome. I haven’t posted it about so far because I’ve been getting a feel for it, and didn’t want to jinx it by saying I loved it, only to discover some horrible flaw.
It’s such a fun car. I chuckle every time I glance behind me as I walk away from it; it’s so tiny, but it doesn’t feel small once I’m inside. The trompe l’oeil is titillating. I’ve spent the last week drive an unusually large amount. I drove over to my folks’ place just to have cereal. I’ve spent the past week sleep over at boyfriend’s place because the drive is no longer arduous. My little Italian car. I’m enjoying it so much.
The engine makes this nice little purring sound when I accelerate through first gear. The wheel turns so easily at low speeds, I’m still getting used to it. The little blinkers on either side of the car are adorable and bright. The horn is polite and fully ignorable (might have to change that). The sound system’s fidelity is like crystal. The turning radius is laughably awesome. I loaded the back with my first groceries last night; they fit with plenty of room to spare.
I had to break in the engine by driving under 60mph for the first hundred or so miles. That was an educational experience. I’ve re-discovered a quiet level of gut-wrenching that I haven’t experienced since I first started driving. Even in the slow lane, irritated drivers tailgate, then zoom past me, furious that I would obey the speed limits in an obviously new car. I’ve been cut off several times because I don’t bother speeding up to stop the offenders. I can’t risk anyone tapping my beautiful new machine; plus I’m leaving the turbo button alone for now, and don’t have the pickup without it to cause any real trouble.
Surprisingly, I’ve actually enjoyed driving more slowly. The whole experience of the car is heightened and stress-free. I’m going to have to spend more time in the middle lanes. The day I got it, on my drive home from Boyfriend’s place, a man in a Mercedes pulled up next to me at a stop light and asked me how much it was, and whether I liked it. I was all smiles.
No one else has driven it yet, though I’m going to offer the keys to Boyfriend for his birthday tomorrow. He’s such a cautious driver, and I’ve never sat in the passenger seat. Should be a fun time.
SIDE NOTE: I cannot wait to illustrate the title. Should be amazing. I have a vision!
These are our future leaders
pictured: a futile effort
Some kid openly farted in class last week. We were just settling down in our quiet meditation circle when PPPHHHHHRHRRTT. He sat on the floor, then leaned over and let it rip.
The girl next to him didn’t even react. Literally, zero reaction. I stared at him for a second and said, “Hey, that’s gross! Don’t fart in here!” He smiled, and as far as he was concerned, the conversation was over. I had to force my disgusted adult brain to move on. I realized I was the outsider, the only person bothered by what had just happened.
And that’s all I remember about that day.
Be Random, Be Clear 