Author Archives: Toph Beifong

goodness, humor, life, manfolk

Death by snuggle

This happens… almost every night I spend at Boyfriend’s place.  He’s an affectionate guy, which I love, but sleepy time is time to sleep, not time to invade Girlfriend’s space until she’s so annoyed that she has to get up and go to another bed in the house to sleep.  Most of the time I just grumble and give him some little nudges and push him back over to his side of the bed, which he takes good-naturedly, and if he’s awake enough, I hear a few muffled, “sowwy, sowwy gurlfwend, sowwy.”  It’s pretty cute, when it’s not infuriating.

truth

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goodness, humor

A new goal for genetic engineering

Teacher Roommate and I were sitting in the living room watching Buffy the Vampire Slayer on Netflix when she burst out laughing, and could not stop.  She turned her laptop around and showed me the below image she found on Pinterest under the category “how to humiliate your pets.”  I doubt this image will ever fail to improve my day.

bwahahaha so cute omg adorable

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goodness, life, martial arts, school, work

A quit and a launch

i'm flying!!

I had a big day.

I bought my ticket to Dublin, Ireland!  So exciting!  I’m leaving May 31st, coming back June 13th.  I’ll have to head straight to work the next day (no recuperation time), but it doesn’t matter!  I’m going to spend some time in Ireland, see Edinburgh, visit a friend in Scotland who I met in Romania, and maybe visit another friend I made in Romania (who is a native of Arad, Romania, and lives in London now, and works as a freelance translator).  Who knows, maybe I’ll take the chunnel to France, and visit anyplace at all, because I have two weeks to bum around Europe.  It kinda depends on whether Diminutive Roommate and come along or not.  Either way, I’m going abroad for two weeks!  It’ll be my first vacation since London with my family, more than three years ago.

thanks fer sneezin' on meh!

After I bought the ticket, I put in my letter of resignation to Karate Job.  My last day there will be May 18th, giving me time to go to Sister’s law school graduation and cover for my coworker at Office Job who could definitely use a day off.  I’ll miss the kids, that’s for sure.  They’re so funny.  I’ll miss getting their drawings, and hearing all the weird nonsense that goes on in their heads.

The other day one of the kids wouldn’t stop clearing his throat.  When I asked him what was wrong, he said, “There’s a frog in my throat!”  I said, “What’s his name?”  The boy thought for a second, then said, “Coffee.”  I asked him why, and he said, “Because he makes me cough!”  Naturally.  That’s the stuff I’ll miss.  My bosses were nice enough, and pretty straight forward kinda people.  I mean, they all have their own eccentricities (anal-retentiveness, hyper-controlling, obliviousness to the plight of the sensei’s, etc.), but I’m beyond complaining about it today.  I’m leaving soon, and after that I’m going to spend two weeks in Europe, and after that I start grad school.  I have nothing to complain about today.

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goodness, life, manfolk

Disneyland!

I was so scared of her and her crow

Boyfriend and I went to Disneyland last week for our 4-year anniversary.  It was totally exhausting but super fun.  He had never been on the teacups!  I got video of him turning the wheel and getting dizzy.  I got to sit in the driver’s seat at the Indiana Jones ride (which broke down on us the first time).  The Haunted Mansion broke down on us, too; there was a hitch-hiking ghost sitting right between us on the way out.  We ate a turkey leg and a pineapple soft-serve ice cream and gumbo and a churro, walked through the princess castle, rode Pirates twice, shot lasers on the Buzz Lightyear ride (I got a way higher score than Boyfriend!), and saw no fewer than 34 little girls dressed up as princesses.

Boyfriend and I have discussed how Sleeping Beauty is probably our favorite of the old Disney cartoons.  The thorns, the green flames, the sparkly sword, the giant black dragon!  It’s just the best.

Mom asked if he and I had a “big talk” since we’ve been together so long.  I said, “No.  Our plan remains the same: Stay together as long as we’re happy.”  She didn’t seem satisfied, but Sister got a text from some boy she’s smitten about and distracted us by grinning stupidly 🙂

Boyfriend has been really busy with work recently.  He did a 9-day shoot in K-town, then we did Disneyland, then he left for San Francisco for a few days.  He got back last night, and left again this morning for a shoot someplace else for a few days.  I’m not super jazzed about it.  We slept apart last night.  I can’t get all attached if he’s just going to leave again.

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goodness, life

Sky art

We’ve had some really heavy rain yesterday that cleared up by afternoon to create these gorgeous clouds as I left work in Redondo Beach.  We don’t get clouds like this much.  That was something I love about London; I was always looking up.

poofy and moody and magnificent

Even when it didn’t rain, the sky was just beautiful.  I wish we could have clouds like this all the time.  Below is the view from my balcony as of Monday afternoon.

sunshine and electrical wires

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goodness

Melting bunnies

How could I have forgotten about this?  I can’t believe I let Easter come and go without posting this.  I was totally hypnotized by this video and it’s haunting music when I first found it.

Have a look at the Lernert & Sander website for other simple-yet-awesome videos.  They do really weird, fun stuff.

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badness, goodness, life

Oh, Imaginary Thing, please protect me from this other Imaginary Thing

faith's all, CHILL, I GOT THIS

What I love (read: despise) about religion is that it claims to be the only cure for a problem it creates.  That’s like stealing everyone’s light bulbs, then “helpfully” selling them flashlights.

Leave it to the Flemish painters of the 16th century to illustrate this idea perfectly.  Check out this drawing by Maarten van Heemskerck, entitled “Man Protected By the Shield of Faith.”

As if the devil (whose penis is a forked tongue, and knees are capped with beast heads, because being the devil isn’t enough, apparently you really have to illustrate it with messed up genitalia and patellas) isn’t a fabrication of the very faith that claims to protect man from him.  Without religion, faith and the devil disappear, and this illustration becomes a drawing of a man playing a game of “If you’re happy and you know it clap your hands.”

But then, without  the talent of Flemish artists to freak us out, and religion to freak them out, we wouldn’t have paintings like this one by Joos van Cleve, where Jesus is totally ripped and wearing a Superman cape while squashing some poor fat putti (tiny pudgy angel kids).  I recall from my art history classes (which I loved) that Jesus is often depicted as physically fit when placed in a Last Judgement scene, which this is.  Still hilarious, though.  “He died for your sins, then went to Gold’s gym to pump iron and check out the ladies on the treadmills.”

meanwhile, everyone in the foreground is all, WTF WHY DID WE BRING OUR BED SHEETS TO THE APOCALYPSE FML

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goodness, humor, life, nerd

It is a silly place

magnificent

Diminutive Roommate had a medical scare recently, and was super stressed about it.  Teacher Roommate offered to do a puppet show to cheer her up, and she took the offer seriously.  I decided we should do a musical, and the first song that came to mind was “Knights of the Round Table” from Monty Python’s Quest for the Holy Grail.

Teacher Roommate is quite the artist, so she was on sock puppet duty.  I learned the basic chords on the ukulele to play the song so we had some instrumental to sing along with.  The guy who got us into ukulele came to play with me, and another friend came to play the king puppet and one of the little knight puppets.  We needed a castle to use for Camelot, so Teacher Roommate got her postcard from Harry Potter World and propped it up in front of the pot we used for the bridge where people’s helmets get banged on with a wooden spoon.

It was… total chaos, but Diminutive Roommate was super pleased.  We had a blast, ate some strawberries, drank some beer, and humiliated ourselves to put on a ridiculous show for a friend.  Worth it.

the bureau made for a fine stage

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goodness, humor

Still str8 against H8

This collection of pro-gay marriage protest signs made me smile today.  Nothing like a sense of humor to invigorate your cause.

My personal favorites:

LMAO

"get back in the car, honey."

finally, irrefutable evidence

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goodness, humor, work

Free food!

A meeting I organize every other month went well yesterday, and as usual, we had a ton of food left over from the catering.  We did what we usually do: we took it back to the office to feed the starving students.  Sometimes people don’t understand that food left on the counter in the small kitchen area we have in the office is free-for-all, so I was sure to make a sign everyone would understand, and, more than that, would flood the onlooker with warmth and a sense that this food really was meant for general human consumption, devoid of any financial commitment.

mission accomplished

When I was a student, I used to get a calzone and salad with a drink almost every day I had class for at least a year.  The line was obscenely long around the lunch hour, so one day, since I was in a hurry, I just walked out.  I was in a hurry, and almost broke anyway, so I figured what the hell?  If anyone stopped me, I would say I was just saying hi to a friend, and jump back in line.

I ended up getting away with it, only to discover that stolen food tastes better than food I’ve exchanged for currency.  This is not a fluke; every item of food I’ve ever stolen has always tasted better than when I pay for it.  How fucked up is that?  But I didn’t make the rules.  These are FACTS.  I’m just acutely aware of them.

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