I went bicycling with dad last month during the winter break. It was pretty cold, and it had rained the night before. We biked along the LA river, found a wild bee hive under a walking bridge, and eventually ended up at Tinkertown, a little area near Griffith Park where you can get your train fix if you happen to love trains (or even if you don’t–it’s free and super cool). But before that, just as we were coasting down the ramp to get to the LA river bike path, dad came to a sudden stop, and started gliding back and forth across the path so he could stay upright without unclipping his fancy clip-in shoes. My bike doesn’t have the shiny disk breaks (I think) his does, so naturally I slammed right into him, and took his bike right out from underneath him. I landed on my left side and slapped the ground with my left hand and forearm at the same time (Hap Ki Do training ftw!), and dad landed on top of me. He ended up with a small bruise on his hand, and I ended up all kinds of colors in plenty of fun places (see below).
Still, it was a fun, beautiful ride. I couldn’t believe how many trees and random foliage is allowed to grow right in the middle of the river. It’s pretty amazing, and surprisingly beautiful. And it’s always fun to spend time with dad.
Category Archives: humor
Parking fail
I park in the same parking garage off campus every day. People who park there are like me: repeat customers. You’ll typically find the same cars in their favorite spots. Every car there belongs to someone who works at or attends the university where I work/go to grad school.
So it’s weird when someone does a horrendous parking job. It’s not like they’ve never parked there before. There is really no excuse.
But since it’s possible that this horrible parker is a co-worker or classmate, I can’t put mean notes on these cars. I have to rely on comedy to get my point across.
Behold:

i made this
UPDATE: April 1, 2013
Once again, some oblivious sheep did a shitty parking job with an SUV in a compact spot. So I became a smartass. Again:
Hi, my name is Awkward
I’m still doing shit like this (in my head). I feel like a child. I feel dumb. I need to accept the fact that I will:
a) never be one of those super cool adults that have their shit together
b) never not do shit like this
The sleep issue
Boyfriend’s out of town. I’ve killed two whole bugs. I did all the dishes I’ve been allowing to accumulate over the past week.
Side note: The joy of not doing my dishes has literally made me giggle aloud a few times recently. Needless to say, I’m enjoying Boyfriend being out of town a whole lot more than expected. It’s pretty fun, setting my own schedule, not checking in with anyone, sitting around watching Buffy all afternoon and writing my blog [like right now], drinking tea in front of the TV, not paying attention to Boyfriend… overall, a very relaxing, fun experience so far.
But getting to sleep is still a problem. I found this chart to explain. It does a pretty good job (except for the screenplay part: replace that with creating imaginary conflicts in which I dominate).
Haiku distraction: Motivational speaker
At an Office Job meeting some months ago, the invited speaker was a college football coach (for some reason). He went to the podium and spoke enthusiastically (and endlessly) about the football players and so on, none of which had to do with the parents or their kids. And yet on he went, giving me material to haiku about.
He’s got that gung-ho
attitude. He’s a winner.
Euthanize him, please.
Coaches are basically motivational speakers with hundreds of sports plays smashed into their heads.
Coach Buck Bobby-Joe
Johnson has a story for
everything today.
“Lemme tell you about this one kid,” he said many, many times. None of the stories were pertinent to the meeting’s purpose or its participants in any way. But football is huge, and the players are mini-celebrities, so he had a pretty captive audience.
He says it’s “college
football, not football college.”
Why’s he our speaker?
Needless to say, I was unimpressed with his presentation, nor am I particularly enamored of any celebrity athlete-types.
For a football coach,
he sure is enthused about
education. Right?
He kept emphasizing the football players’ scholarly pursuits, as if that’s why any of them attend college (or that anyone in the room gave a shit).
Then someone else stood up to speak, as if that’s what we needed: more monologuing.
This guy’s got a mouth
on him. The crowd loves him. These
parents are sold now.
This guy had started his own email/blog thingie about college sports, and could not stop talking even though he kept saying, “I’ve been speaking too long,” and “I said I was going to keep it short, and I’ll finish soon.” Still, the crowd was with him, so he had no reason to shut up.
I’d had enough of listening to white men wax poetical about their hard-on for football. It was time for dessert.
The vanilla cake
was apparently made by
Hello Kitty. Yum!
The cake had lace and pink shit all over it. I couldn’t figure out what was edible and what was decoration. I think the point was to kill us with sweetness in more ways than one.
“The most precious gifts
are those unwrapped by the heart.”
Christ, what does that mean?
The time then came for the parents to endlessly thank each other for all their endless giving and “hard work.” The speeches were the worst part.
So many awards!
How thankful can a group of
volunteers be? Guh.
What a monumental waste of time. So much money spent on gifts and certificates and crap, I could not believe the self-congratulatory nonsense my coworkers and I witnessed in just three long hours. I felt like shouting, “Feed some homeless people, you rich, white bastards!”
On an unrelated note, my search for Facebones pulled up this “Jem” (pun very much intended).
Twitards with a license
I saw this in Echo Park a couple months ago. Needless to say, I don’t want to live on this planet anymore.
Topical costume, 2012
I cannot express how pleased I am that this is a thing. I love that people suddenly care about art restoration enough to poke fun at a botched up job to the extent that it becomes an internet meme, and a fantastic Halloween costume. Go on, humanity 🙂
My professor sucked
I thought it best not to post this until a couple of weeks after my grades got posted, lest the professor in question do a search and find my blog. I can’t say I honestly care anymore, so I’m posting it. Naturally, names have been changed.
My first semester of graduate school is over (except for those two papers I have yet to complete). Once those are done, I have a week before the next semester starts, at which point I will stop having a life once again, only this time I’m prepared, lol.
The funny thing about learning how to teach is that I’m constantly checking the teaching methods of my instructors. I took two classes this semester: one instructor was awesome (insightful, encouraging, engaging, the whole nine yards), while my other instructor was… worthy of the anonymous scathing review I just left for him (they could not have been more different. This semester was weird). It went something like this:
What are the instructor’s main strengths?
[something about how he got along with another student with a similar upbringing, go figure]
How could the instructor improve?
He should pour himself a stiff drink and read my “additional comments.”
Additional Comments
-He said “friggin a” on the second day of class after becoming frustrated by the questions asked by students (time stamp: between 2:23:40-2:25:13). The student he said this to was visibly embarrassed. Toward the end of the semester, that student told me that he was still reticent to speak in this class because of that experience, even though two and a half months had passed since then.
-He did not leave time for students to formulate and ask questions.
-He often spent the first 30-45 minutes of class monologuing about the reading while referring to a PowerPoint presentation, and reviewed the readings almost verbatim. This is particularly ironic since the necessity of student participation in classroom discussion was often a topic. We were taught through monologue that we should not monologue a lesson to our students, since this is not conducive to learning.
-On one occasion, he emailed students 25 minutes before class was scheduled to start that he could not attend, saying he would record the lecture for us to view later. He sent an email four days later that the lecture was on the website, however it was not. Two students mentioned that they could not find the recorded lecture on the website two days before class; two more mentioned that they had the same difficulty the day before class, all without response from the professor. It was not until a student suggested, during class, that he may have uploaded it for private viewing rather than public viewing that he discovered that was the problem. He blamed the changes made to the online platform.
-Students’ group contributions were cut short and treated as unimportant. During a week 8 class (time stamp: between 2hr and 2hr8min), we were told to keep it short, and pretend we were calling into a radio show. He said, “You got 30 seconds!” He blamed the length of the class.
-Turning in papers early was impossible to do without being punished. The class before the due date, we always found a problem with the directions that demanded that I alter my paper and resubmit it. Inept Instructor marked me down in one instance when he said he would not due to conflicting instructions (when I reminded him, he said he would fix it–three weeks later I sent him an email reminding him that he said he would do this. Only then did my grade reflect the changes he said he would make weeks prior). He said he needed to check his rubric to see how many points he allots to each portion of the paper in question, then correct his mistake. The second time there were problems with a paper I handed in early, I resubmitted the paper with corrections, but he graded the wrong one, and asked me to fix problems I had already fixed (and handed in) a week prior. He blamed the class for not reading instructions closely enough, ignoring the fact that instructions for the various parts of assignments were often found in different documents, and just as often, didn’t match what the other documents’ instructions.
-He incorrectly pointed out a problem with my APA formatting on a paper (and docked me for it). When I emailed him pointing out the error, his reply was, “That’s awesome.” He restored one point to my paper, bringing it from an A- to an A. I heard from another student in the class that he mistakenly docked her for the same non-issue, and recommended that she bring it to his attention. I’m concerned about how many other students he may have wrongly docked for this same issue, and how it affected their grades. Although he changed my grade, he never admitted there was a problem, and dodged any blame for his mistake.
-He sent an email to the class reminding us that there would be no class on Labor Day, which would have been very considerate if he had not sent it at 8:35pm on Labor Day.
-He sent curt emails to the students for not handing in their papers on time, only to discover that he could not receive emails from non-USC email addresses. He blamed his IT department, and took no credit for the mistake. If a student were to encounter a problem like this, he would be penalized for not checking our systems beforehand to avoid this problem (we are told, for example, that it is the students’ responsibility to check our cameras and audio setup for problems well before class to deal with any potential issues because if a technical problem keeps us from being in class, we are punished by being considered absent, and receive no credit for that day’s class time).
During the last class, when a student asked where the class evaluation form could be found, Inept Instructor said he had no idea. He blamed the online platform format for hiding it. The professor for my other class not only knew where it was, but on the last day of class, directed us to it and reminded us to fill it out.
-I write this the day after the last class: 1/3 of my assignments remain ungraded. In addition, none of my class participation points have been posted. If I have received credit for going to class, I have yet to see evidence of it in the grades section of the online platform. Of all the forum postings, papers, and class time scores (not counting the final paper, for which the due date has not yet passed), only seven of the 23 scores possible (30%) for this class have been graded and put on the online platform. When a student asked Inept Instructor a month ago if he would be putting more of our grades up, Inept Instructor replied, “I think you’ve figured it out…I’m slow 🙂 Your analysis papers are graded and posted. I will be assigning individual forum posting and class participation grades.” The latter statement, at least, has proven to be untrue. I wonder what he thinks the purpose of the “grades” section of the online platform is, if not to PUT OUR GRADES UP.
One running theme in Inept Instructor’s teaching style was a complete lack of accountability on his part. Though all these mistakes, both big and small, were clearly Inept Instructor’s fault, not only did he take zero credit for any of them, but the only apology Inept Instructor ever offered was when he apologized for not being able to make it to class. Of course, he voiced this apology to his camera when he recorded the make-up class, effectively eliminating our ability to respond to him as a group, and sapping the apology of any authenticity.
I did not find Inept Instructor to be a motivating, interesting, or well-organized instructor. He did not seem to grasp the concept that, “Just because you’re talking doesn’t mean your students are learning.” I learned more about what NOT to do in a classroom from watching Inept Instructor than I did from our readings and discussions. Thanks for a valuable learning experience, Inept Instructor.
A guide to online comics
I realized I’ve been referencing a lot of online comics to friends recently, and it’s super awkward. “In this one online comic I read, there’s a character who’s a troll with really terrible gas, and he’s hilarious, but anyway…” Not what I could call a quality, two-sided conversation.
Flow chart to the rescue! This is the last week of my first semester in my online Master’s degree program. I made this during class. In fact, class is still going on as I type this. I still have a 10-page paper to do for this class, so I don’t feel too bad about making time to do something fun.













