Category Archives: life

For when I get philosophical about my apartment, job, boyfriend, etc. Big picture stuff.

goodness, life, school

That nagging feeling

I found this artist, Jenny Holzer, recently.  This plaque of hers really struck me.

I’ve woken up so many times feeling this way, like something’s wrong but I can’t put my finger on it, so I can’t fix it, so I can’t escape it.  This must be the “silent desperation” Thoreau wrote about.  I’ve pinned it on not applying to grad school all this time, so we’ll see if that changes.

Yesterday, I sent in my application to grad school.  I didn’t tell anyone until later that night, when it occurred to me that it was probably worth mentioning to Boyfriend, who was more excited than I was.  It’s strange; I’ve finally applied to grad school, and I feel nothing.  I guess it’s just been a long time coming.  I’ll be (way) more excited if I’m accepted.

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goodness, life, nerd

Burfdaaaah!

the syrup was warm

Yesterday was my birthday, and it was fantastic.  It really started Saturday, when I woke up and made cinnamon rolls for the apartment.  Friends came over to eat dinner at Asaya, then hung around to play HeroQuest (I’m the DM!  So fun!).  Afterward, I opened presents!  Diminutive Roommate got me edible things (four packages of various flavors of ramen, some strawberry flavored Japanese chocolates, and mango and green tea flavored mochi), and Teacher Roommate gave me a card worth a custom-designed teapot!  So cool!  I can’t wait to figure out what I want.

Yesterday, I woke up and had the intense desire to watch Pride & Prejudice (with Judy Dench).  Is that what happens to females when we hit 28?  Sudden inexplicable cravings for Jane Austen?

Boyfriend took me to get blueberry ricotta pancakes at BLD for breakfast!  We had to wait about a half-hour for our table, so we took a walk.  Some people were moving out of their house near where we parked, so I poked through the boxes next to the trash cans on the sidewalk, and found some Goosebumps books!  I burned through dozens of these around age ten.  It felt like my brain literally gained sustenance from reading them.  We also found, amid the neglected R. L. Stine and old trophies, a choose-your-own-adventure book (ninja theme!), which I read to Boyfriend.  One of the characters was really chatty and annoying, so we decided that we should turn evil and kill her the first chance we got.  And we did.  The End.

classic

We headed over to Treehouse Friend’s place to play Quarriors, a simple but fun dice-building game that we haven’t played in a really long time.  He and his girlfriend, Ballerina Friend, were going out on a double-date with some other friends after that, so we had to jet.  Dinner was at Tagine with my folks and Sister and Boyfriend, which is where we go every year for my birthday because it’s delicious, and too expensive to do more than once per year.

Once home, it was time to depart for ice skating!  We went to the Culver Ice Rink on Sawtelle, where I held Boyfriend’s hand and went backwards a bunch while Boyfriend showed enormous improvement.  Then we went home and hung out with friends, and I had a margarita.  Overall, an excellent birthday weekend.

that shoe looks familiar...

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goodness, life

It’s happening

cat = me. villain = also me.

I just asked for the letters of recommendation I need to apply to graduate school.  They said yes, and the rest of my application is done.  It’s happening.  I’m applying to grad school.  Why didn’t I do this years ago?  I really am my own worst enemy.  I’m kinda just sitting at my desk, crying quietly, now.  I’m so happy I’m finally moving toward a goal that I’ve been avoiding for at least three years.  This is what I want: a sense of progress, to study what fascinates me, to do what I love.

I’ve been a little ashamed of myself every day since I realized I should have applied to grad school long ago.  Every time I sat down and thought, “Things are pretty great right now,” there was that little voice in the back of my head that added, “…but if only I were in grad school.”  Like a mist that has hidden the vivid colors my day-to-day life from view, my happiness has been overshadowed by a sense of shame; I knew I was holding myself back.  There was no outside force.  Sure, I didn’t have anyone I could ask for a letter of recommendation at the time, but I could have re-forged bonds with professors in the time it has taken me to get my shit together and apply.

And now it’s happening, and I am proud.

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goodness, life

Then I peed myself

the classic

Sister and I had a book of scary stories growing up, and I’m starting to wonder why we were allowed to read them/look at the illustrations.  Even now, the drawings are… just horrifying.  How was this for children?!  It was so thoroughly creepy that I got the feeling that it was maybe too scary even for some adults, which made me feel brave.

It was Scary Stories to Tell in the Dark by Alvin Schwartz, illustrated by Stephen Gammell, and it fucked me up in the head as a kid.  It took guts to open this book.  I found it on sale at a Barnes & Noble a couple years ago, and bought a copy for myself, and one for Sister.  Classic!

omfg RUN

OMG WTF they changed the art in the 30th anniversary edition!  NOT COOL.  The art is what I remember most!  It was so thoroughly tweaked.  SHAME.

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goodness, life

Overturned

Proposition 8 was overturned this morning.  Next hurdle: U. S. Supreme Court.

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goodness, life

Burfdaaaah!!

if only valentine's day took place some other month...

It’s mah burfdah month!  February is the best (after October for obvious reasons).

Plans for this month:
Go to cardio every Tuesday– It’s time to get fucking toned.  I was feeling pretty great when I did cardio on a regular basis about a year ago.  It’s time to get super sexy again.
Get blueberry pancakes– BLD has the best blueberry pancakes!  If I can get the day off from Karate Job (they owe me!), it’s gonna happen.
Go ice skating!– I love ice skating, and I don’t have any friends who share this passion (Los Angeles doesn’t get much snow).  Still, I’ll go alone if I have to!
Nap– I have trouble napping, but for one reason or another, I haven’t been able to sleep in for over a month.  Yesterday, Boyfriend’s phone went off, and I was cranky all morning.
Read– I haven’t had much time to read on my Kindle (walks to and from work and the car don’t really count).  Lovecraft awaits!
Take a shot of Patron– I don’t drink much at all, but am a fan of tequila.  The Patron on the counter is calling to me.  Limes, watch out; I’m coming for you.
Watch Call of Cthulhu– It’s a classic!  I can’t believe I haven’t seen it.  And now that I have the story, I’ll have to read it first!

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goodness, life, manfolk

Shinies

I pretty much caught Boyfriend looking at rings on his iPhone a few months ago.

He was showing me some random photos he had taken, and as I scrolled back, I found a few diamond rings.  “That’s pretty…” I mumbled, vaguely.
“I was… looking for jewelry for my grandma.  For Christmas.”  A quick, if somewhat inept recovery.
“Ah, ok… Diamond rings?”
“Yeah…”
“I wanna help.  Let’s look.”
“Ok.”

And that is the story of how I tricked Boyfriend into finding out what kind of engagement ring I would want.  Naturally he prefers something with a more modern look.  I prefer antique.  We found some compromises.  I’m leaning toward hexagonal settings.

He doesn’t want to get engaged until we’ve lived together, and know for a fact that we can stand that kind of lifestyle.  It’s a good idea, but I don’t see that happening anytime in the next year or so.  So I made him promise to stay with me forever.  Now, when he’s being cute, I look and him and say, “No take-backs,” to remind him of his promise.  He always smiles, laughs, and agrees, yes, no take-backs.

purty, but does it have to be a diamond?

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goodness, life

Hidden talent

I’m more awesome than I thought I was.

I grew up with an oddly-shaped couch, and have apparently grown emotionally attached to it.  Teacher Roommate and I locked horns on this issue in late November while Diminutive Roommate attempted to mediate.  I didn’t realize how much I wanted to keep the couch until Teacher Roommate started pushing to get rid of it, and she pushed pretty hard.  I got defensive.  I said I didn’t want to get rid of it.  She said it was dirty and the upholstery on the cushion was in bad shape (true).  I agreed, and said that was fixable.  She said she was willing to just replace it.  I said that wasn’t a reasonable option, because that would mean I would have to buy a new couch at the next place I lived whenever that was.

And on and on.

bird's eye view

Eventually we decided that the couch cushion should be recovered and the rest of the couch steam cleaned.  I looked up pricing on getting the whole couch reupholstered and after a few $900 estimates (minimum), I started asking about slip covers: same price (which is absurd).  I stalled.  I sat on the couch day after day in December wondering what would happen to my comfy childhood heirloom.  A friend from the kung fu studio came over.  I mentioned my conundrum, and he said something surprising: he had reupholstered an entire couch of his own, without any professional training or assistance of any kind.  He had a look at the couch.  We decided that recovering just the cushion wouldn’t be too hard.  It could be done.  I had the time and energy.  I had just learned how to sew in order to make myself a cape (which is turning out pretty Renn Faire-ish).  All I needed was the ambition to take on a project that felt overwhelming due to my inexperience.

So I did it.  And now it’s done.  I’m pretty proud of myself for this one.  I was doubtful that I could do this on my own.  I’m feeling pretty slick about it.  It even has a zipper on it!

amateur win!

It’s looser than I want, but tough shit.  I’m not fixing it.  It’s done, and I’m happy enough with it.  Now all I need to do is get the rest of it steam cleaned, and this couch might have some new life breathed into it after all…

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goodness, life

Art, or stupid?

It’s time for the age-old question: Is it art, or a huge waste of time?

Some spiders can make silk.  Beautiful, naturally golden-yellow silk, which can be harvested, then woven into clothing that will never be worn, due to their rarity.  Eighty people worked for seven years to collect enough raw silk material from these amazing (and totally spooky-looking) spiders to create this beautiful/pointless scarf.

wow

I love art.  I love that as soon as humans mastered their own survival and realized they had free time on their hands, they started to create for the sake of creating.  Creativity, the search for beauty, is what distinguishes us from most of the animal kingdom, the ultimate display of social maturity within a species.  And yet… what if every artist was working on finding alternate sources energy instead?  What a productive, drab little world we would live in.  I have to conclude that (most) art is worthwhile.

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goodness, life

Technicolor dreamcoat

I have a surprisingly colorful wardrobe, which pleases me to no end.  I used to be an all black-and-navy kinda lady.  This represents growth for me.

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