I chat with nannies at the dojo who talk about how hard it is to discipline the kids because the parents consistently undermine them in order to be the good guys. The parents don’t want to spend the little amount of time they have with their kids disciplining them, so they get away with murder while mom and dad are around, and harass the nanny with “mom lets me do that” when they’re not. It’s an uphill battle. I can’t imagine working for people who aren’t on board with setting up some kind of structure with their kids. Why send a kid mixed messages? What a complete waste of time.
that's a "bad choice"
I’ve told a few nannies (and parents) that they can just say no to their kids, but they don’t want to be too strict because they’re afraid of losing their job. When one nanny said this, I was baffled. Wasn’t her job to act like a parent in the absence of the parents? She responded, “They (the kids) will lie to their parents that I’m hurting them, or ‘she made us to this or that.'” WHAT?! Jesus.
There are a couple of kids at our dojo whose behavior has improved since they started taking classes with us, but they still do stuff at home like intentionally break windows and hugely expensive flat screen TVs, and fight violently with each other. I saw a new woman with them last week, so I took a moment to chat with her. I asked if she was the new nanny, to which she grimaced, “Yeah, unfortunately.” I was struck dumb for a few seconds. I must have looked really, really stupid. I just couldn’t think of what to say to a nanny who didn’t want to be a nanny. How long have you been with them, I asked. One and a half months. And she’s already miserable. The kids are out of control, the parents undermine her, she’s afraid of being too strict; it goes on and on. I gave her some advice (don’t give up, talk with the parents, make sure you’re on the same page, ask for their support, feel free to put the kids on timeout if they misbehave), and walked away shaking my head.
So now I have a question: Who in their right mind wants to become a nanny? Who aspires to raise someone else’s kid? Is this a profession like bus driver, filled with people who just couldn’t cut it in any other industry? My morbid curiosity has been piqued.
I worked my first paid freelance martial arts gig yesterday. It went so well; I’m actually pretty shocked at how smoothly it went. Bear in mind I was teaching girl scouts and their and moms, so the likelihood of a mutiny was pretty slim, even if they did out-number me 24:1.
why yus, yu CAN haz a marshall artz, hehe
We started by ducking, then we combo’d with a palm strike, and moved onto the first self defense move I learned when I started training. I asked if they had questions, and the moms had plenty of “what if” scenarios to pick my brain about. One of the moms was nice enough to occupy the girls while the women circled up and I gave them the best advice I could about getting pinned to the ground, getting lifted from behind, being attacked while entering the car, etc. At some point I reminded them that “you’re probably not going to be attacked… ever. I hate to break it to you, but you’re just not that popular. Chances are, you’ll never need to use these skills in a fight situation. The point of classes like this is to give you the confidence to ask that person standing too close in line if they could back up a little; day-to-day stuff to make yourself feel more comfortable and confident.” That seemed to resonate with them.
They asked about pricing (yikes! Should’ve crunched some numbers before I got there), so I said $15 an hour per person for a group of five or more, $20 an hour per person for fewer than that, and “I usually charge between $60 and $70 an hour for private lessons,” meaning that’s what I would be charging if I ever did any paid private lessons. Ever. Regardless, they seemed enthused. Fingers crossed!
Most of my friends work freelance, so booking a job, then doing the job, then getting paid for said job is literally an everyday thing for them. This was a new experience for me, so I’m pretty thrilled with the result. And a couple friends helped me design business cards that I got to pass out to the moms when they asked if I taught adults! And I got some girl scout cookies out of it (they went straight to my friends)! Overall, WIN.
My 100th (public) post, and it’s about Japanese music. I am pleased.
I just discovered Genki Sudo, a retired MMA fighter/author/musician/Buddhist. Did I mention he’s easy to look at? Oh, and he can dance like a mother fucker. He was apparently known for his flashy entrances into the ring before a fight. I’ve watched a few videos where he was waiting for his opponent to strike, and just started popping and locking to pass the time and mess with them. Pretty slick. I’m totally amazed by this guy. Talk about a Renaissance man. So cool.
This song is completely overrun with Buddhist philosophy. It’s all about how everything is an illusion, and enlightenment is letting go. Pretty nice. There’s one line that someone translated as, “I look up at the stars, and the darkness in my heart disappears.” /smile
Sister’s fiance (let’s call him Carpenter, since that’s what he was for a long time) dry heaves whenever anyone mentions vomit or poop. Just saying the words will send a visible shiver down his spine. It’s pretty priceless. Carpenter can be a pretty tough guy, but then he’s also allergic to a ton of stuff (like tomatoes), and has a ton of old injuries that make him wince whenever he stands up, sits down, jogs, coughs, etc. He’s like an old man at mid-thirty. Sister used to run cross-country, so her knees are shot, and her finger knuckles are all permanently swollen from cracking them all the time and jamming them while playing basket ball. The two of them. Fallin’ apart.
Still, in a pinch, they’re both totally on my zombie apocalypse survival team for their self discipline, intelligence, and short-term physical abilities. Regardless of their rapidly deteriorating bodies, they’re very coordinated and physically capable people. I figure by the time their joints fail us, we’ll have already set up an impenetrable base of operations, been airlifted to safety, or eaten alive. But they’re both pretty bossy. That would be a lot of people trying to pull rank on each other. Hmmm… I’ll have to give that some thought.
Speaking of body parts going bad, I was at kung fu last night and while I was doing a sweep, my left shoulder slipped almost out of its socket. I felt it start to go, heard a click and relaxed my body to take pressure off of it so it would go back in. It’ll hurt for about a week, it isn’t the first time this has happened. I need to start doing some exercises to strengthen both my shoulders. They click when I sleep on my sides. Bleh.
A 8.9 earthquake is really, really huge. The scale America uses is scary because the intensity of a quake is measured with exponential values. Meaning a 4.0 quake isn’t twice as intense as a 2.0 quake, it’s eight times more intense. Now look at the number again: 8.9. On a scale of 0-10. Scary. Plus, you’re a coastal country, so the tsunami that inevitably follows a quake of this magnitude only exacerbates the problem.
Japan is going to make it through this because the world needs their economy to get back on their feet, but also because the Japanese are an amazing group of people. Period. Who blogs about the amazing ideas Russia comes out with on a daily basis? No one, because Russia sucks. The Japanese have a repressed culture that somehow allows its people to think outside the box in ways the rest of the world marvels at. And for that, we love them.
In honor of how awesome Japan is, here’s a list of ten reasons why I love Japan, in the order they occurred to me:
1. Anime
Paprika made my brain melt
Who the fuck would think that there could be billions of tiny, diverse ghosties floating around that effect us (Mushi-Shi), or that dreams could be your next form of therapy (Paprika), or that a young girl could work in a bath house run for (and by) spirits (Spirited Away)? And who else would write a fully-realized, philosophically-driven, action packed science fiction series on the future of human-cyborg robotics (Ghost in the Shell) that actually makes sense? The Japanese direct my imagination in directions I would otherwise never explore. Thank you.
delicious
2. Sushi
I realize that raw fish has been a celebrated dish for (tens of?) thousands of years, but it was the Japanese who spread it across the globe for my pretentious Los Angeles palate to enjoy. It’s a simple pleasure that always makes me think, “Wow, the Japanese are geniuses. And bears. Bears who eat salmon all day and sleep all winter. Fucking genius.”
3. Cars
I’ve had two Pontiacs, and I’ve had trouble with them both. My roommate has had her Honda for over a decade, and she bought it used, and it’s still running just fine. Am I buying American again? No way. The Japanese know how to make a damn car.
adorable
4. Maru
The cutest, and most famous cat in the world lives in Japan. He has his own website, loads of YouTube videos, and millions of fans. His owner keeps us up to speed on his newest toys, favorite napping spots, and intense fear of crows. He’s the only life form (other than his owner) who I feel like I’ve kinda gotten to know over the past year, so his well-being was one of the first things that occurred to me when I heard about the earthquake and tsunami (sorry humans!). Turns out he’s safe, yay!
epic
5. Samurai, Ninjas, Martial Arts
Where do I begin? The samurai bushido “way of the warrior” will never be replicated en masse the way it was in feudal Japan. The intense philosophy that ran throughout every aspect of the samurai’s life from the way they fought to the way they ate and slept is just incredible.
Raise your hand if you never wanted to be a ninja. You, you, and you; you’re all liars. EVERYONE wants to be a ninja at some point. I just learned recently that ninjutsu is not a martial art, but an art of war. Yikes. Awesome.
I’ve been practicing martial arts since I was 14. I earned two black belts, and now I work at a dojo where I get to teach kids how to be polite, work hard, and beat the shit out of their siblings who are too stupid or unlucky enough not to be included in class. With all my experience, I can safely say that everyone on the planet would benefit from learning a martial art (especially a soft style like hapkido or aikido).
6. Nintendo
It’s not just some 8-pixel side-scroller. It’s a virtual world. My generation grew up with the gray-box Nintento, and Mario was as real a character as any idiot on reality TV today. Nintendo set the bar for video gaming. It started an entire sub-culture. With a video game. Cultural references to the original Mario Bros. will never end. There will always be a “Sorry, Princess is in another castle” joke for unforeseen failure. Coins will always be shiny, floaty thing we all yearn for. Stars will always look like a chance at temporary invincibility.
ruuuunnnn!!
7. Godzilla
Haha, oh my god. I can’t believe Godzilla is #7. Where was my brain. The Japanese took fear of giant monsters to the ultimate extreme. So classic. I still haven’t seen this movie, btw. Must remedy soon!
.
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woah
8. Noh
If you don’t know anything about the theater of Edo era Japan, wake the fuck up. The makeup, the masks, the nuances, the costumes, the stories… amazing. Google it. It’s the oldest form of theater (even older than the famous Greek tragedies). Kabuki centered around drama, love and all that mushy crap. Kyogen was mostly comedies. The actors were huge celebrities. Some even had trading cards. It’s true! And one of my favorite comics is based on the masks worn during these iconic plays.
.
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i will never understand it
9. Sumo
I wonder if this should go under martial arts… haha just kidding! Can you picture one of these guys rounding a corner in full battle gear? Hilarious! But seriously, there’s a ton of ceremony that goes into every match, which are fun to watch. Giant dudes pushing brutishly each other out of a small ring? While the referee holds a fan and wears traditional robes? And the attendees get crushed whenever one of the sumo guys tumbles off the platform? What a sport!
10. Takeshi’s Castle
This is a little-known series that aired in 1989 that started the wave of shows that put normal people through ridiculous obstacle courses for the world to laugh at. America has a show called Wipeout that does the same thing. Genius.
I want to write more about each of these but I’m at work, and no one wants to read that much about this stuff (including me). Suffice to say, the Japanese people have my adoration and respect. Now if they could just give a serious apology about invading Korea, and the whole “comfort women” thing, that’d be great.
UPDATE: March 15, 5:32pm
Wait! I thought of another reason to love Japan: the Polysics!
I mean people do fun, silly stuff people do in music videos. The Japanese are clearly no exception, and for that, I love them.
Let’s not spill hot tea on my white cashmere sweater two hours before my first performance review at Office Job, shall we?
I’m going to have to miss Kung Fu tonight (again) to practice karate moves with some sensei friends. Turns out I’m being evaluated at Karate Job too, in two weeks. I need to work on my self-defense and grappling. Everything else should be pretty solid. My form has always been excellent, but they’re also making sure I know how to teach all the moves, not just do them (an important distinction). I’m feeling pretty good about it. Except for the grappling. Yikes.
i am not very good at grappling
The good news is that I remember something about a raise if my performance review at Office Job goes well. And if I pass my evaluation at Karate Job, I definitely get a raise. So this is all good stuff, it’s just stressful. Plus the car, and Boyfriend, and Russian Neighbor, and I’m sure I could think of something else that was bothering me if I wasted time to complain some more. But I’m gonna pass on that. Doesn’t seem worth it.
There’s this movie coming out, Sucker Punch. It could be amazing. The main and central supporting characters are all women. They’re armed with various guns, axes, swords, and huge imaginations, and supposedly do some really cool stuff with all of them.
ComiCon, you have your next costume contest
Like I said, it could be amazing.
It’s directed by the same guy who did 300 and Watchmen (Zach Snyder), both of which I found visually tingling, if a bit overdone.
So here are the parts where it could suck. It’s easy to confuse these for reasons it might be awesome, so try to focus:
-Fire-breathing dragons
-An army of bad guys in gas masks
-Giant, gatling gun-wielding samurai robot
-Zeppelins
-An evil stepfather
Bear in mind, all of these things are presumably defeated by a tiny, non-muscular woman armed with nothing but a samurai sword, a skimpy sailor costume and copious amounts of peroxide to keep that hair looking fabulously, naturally blonde.
If it works out, I’m going to see it with some martial artist friends of mine. Naturally, we’ll all be pissed we weren’t cast for this, given our extensive training and dashing good looks. I’m not even an actress, and I can tell you right now… nah, never mind, who the fuck wants to be an actress? Acting is hard. No, wait: good acting is hard. Doing an action sequence over and over while having the right expression on your face must be exhausting and downright challenging. So fuck it, I wish all these ladies the very best.
Still, I work with some pretty beautiful, talented martial artist/actresses. Sure would be nice if someone hired someone with a martial arts background to do an action movie for once.
PLEASE SEND ALL JOB OFFERS TO TIGERLILYTOPH@GMAIL.COM
Remember when I got asked to blog for a website about comics? Turns out they didn’t exactly, how do you say… have their shit together. I would submit a blog, and weeks later, it still wouldn’t be on the website. This happened a few times before I stopped submitting ideas. I gave them a blog after they sent me to ComiCon; it’s still not up, and I’ve given up on expecting anything of mine to ever go on their website again. So sad. I was really excited about that, and the people were cool. In fact, they were extremely warm and seemed almost as excited as I was to join the team. It’s too bad it didn’t work out. But I lived the dream, for a short time. And I’m happy about that.
I was also on one of their radio shows. I don’t come across as too noobish, and I’m happy about that. All they really do is ask me about the KickAss [comic] contest, and martial arts in general. Overall, I’m pretty happy with the result. I’m only in the first fifteen minutes of the cast, which is perfect. I don’t think I could stand hearing more of myself than that at a time. I had only been awake for about twenty minutes at the time, so I sound a little husky (Lauren Bacall, woot!).
hey look, it's me and Diminutive Roommate
I just found the email I sent to my friends announcing the publication of my first blog. *sigh* Memories. I was so fucking excited. Everyone was so supportive. And that post was pretty good! So I’ve decided to publish the blogs that were (and were not) published on the comics website here. Get ready for a quick injection of a whole lotta nerd-speak.
I’ve never actually given up on being a superhero (superheroine).
I’ve been reading comics since age… 8? I started with Archie, but soon blossomed into comics with fully violent characters who pranced around in sexually inappropriate S&M outfits in broad daylight, and saved the world from equally bizarrely-motivated and strangly dressed evil-doers in the process (I’m lookin’ at you, X-Men).
i would strike terror in the hearts of criminals with my adorable otter face
I was brainwashed by said sexy/violent comics from a very young age to believe that with the right timing, martial arts training and clever one-liners, I too could beat the shit out of criminals on a semi-nightly basis. Is it childish to believe I could still do this?
Here’s the biggest problem with fighting crime: you have to be there as it happens. How long does Batman spend crouched on rooftops night after night, watching nothing of note unfold on the streets below? I’m guessing hours and fucking hours. But with supervillains running around, there’s plenty of lawless extra-curricular activity to shut down.
So here’s my problem: I don’t live in Gotham. There aren’t a bunch of crazies scheduling heists and telling everyone and their mom about it so I can show up to save the day. Crime in the real world happens fast and usually without much planning, and definitely without uniformed goons carrying out the plans of some lunatic. I do not have my ear to the ground for news within the cocaine racket. I am incapable of learning about significant illegal activities (to a point where I could be a useful masked crusader) without joining the police, or a gang. Neither of which is sounding too appealing right now.
But that hasn’t stopped me from considering going through with it.
I look at masks online, considering the pros and cons of displaying the lower-half of my face. I think of what my outfit would look like (no cape), what my equipment might consist of (short, blunt weapons, stun gun). Then I think practically: when would I get the chance to change into this getup? While the crime is going on? So I would just leave while people get robbed or shot at or beaten? Would I wear my costume beneath my clothes all the time so I wouldn’t have to change into it? The whole situation is totally impossible.
but that chick in the wheelchair is toast
But then I think, I don’t need to be on the prowl for criminals. I would just have to react if I ever got the chance. No time to change into costume, or even reveal a costume.
But there would be time to don a mask.
Masks… are really, really cool. I want one. I want to wear one. I want to need one so I can justify spending too much money on one. But then I think, The paper trail! Don’t leave one! In case this whole thing gets out of hand. In case I end up on Youtube as some local heroine, and the police search for someone who purchased a mask like mine in the last year, and they’ll find me! And then bring me in for questioning! That’d be pretty gnarly.
There’s a part of me that will always think of this a totally doable because I want to protect those around me. It’s in my nature to be a guardian. I can’t imagine that ever changing.
Example 1: Pain
Kids don’t define a day by the number of injuries they sustained. Today I’m really sore from training, I’ll be sore tomorrow too, and in a few weeks, that’s all I’ll remember about this week. I won’t remember that fun conversation I had with Michelle, or how, when she said, “I wanna learn how to do a flying kick,” and I said, “I can teach you that. Check it out!” that I did a flying kick, followed by a jumping spinning roundhouse kick and almost nailed some lady that came into the office just then right in the FACE. If I hadn’t written all this down, all I’d think about today is how much I want to use my friend’s hot tub because I’m so fucking sore that it’s hurting my back muscles to type this.
ALL HAIL HYPNOTOAD
Example 2: Truth
Most adults mush the truth around like spackle. They use just enough to get the job done, and leave the rest sealed in a bucket. Most kids will tell the truth about anything.
me: What does the frog say?
kid: Frogs don’t talk.
me: [Holy shit, he’s totally right.]
Example 3: Focus
adults hate crayons
Adults think kids have trouble concentrating. They don’t. Kids have amazing focus, they just don’t focus on stupid bullshit like getting dressed and doing homework. But put them in front of their favorite toy, or a picture book, or box of crayons and a clean sheet of paper, and everything else in the world disappears completely. They don’t worry about other crap. They can do absolutely one thing at a time. That’s what adults call meditation.
Example 4: Imagination
Fuck adults and their complete lack of creativity. I joked with a group of kids and parents that I wish I had tentacles instead of hands so I could grab onto stuff better. The kids laughed and said, “eew!” The adults were just horrified and uncomfortable. One of them actually looked sorry for me. But the kids would not shut up about it. “What if you had more hands instead?” Jesus Christ, why didn’t I think of that? Awesome.
I need to try to define my day with the funny, good stuff that happens, instead of what I’m doing this very second (being pissed that I have to teach a private lesson after the regular classes today, plus I invited my coworker buddy over to watch some anime or whatever, so I won’t have time to go hot tubbing, which is all I want to do right now because I can’t remember the last time I was in so much muscle-pain, and it’s honestly starting to freak me out).
Be Random, Be Clear 